Being
a woman is not easy. Not in India, in fact nowhere in the world. If
we Indians have our set of problems, women in other geographical
locations have their own as well. Those might be different from what
we face here in India, but by no means would they be any less
problematic.
To
start off with, let me sum up the situation in India. I was born in
the early 60s. My life was considerably different from
that of women born earlier in this country. Or that is what I
thought. May be, being born in a "typical middle class
family"(this was something to be proud of till a decade ago,
when "middle class" suddenly became a kind of abusive word
- one considers them down market today, but let that pass), I was
brought up with values associated with that class of people, but had
plenty of opportunities to study, to be "equal" to any male
member of this society. Although I considered myself blessed when I
compared myself to women of previous generations, "equal"
always came with some riders - before my times, during my younger
days and it continues to be that way even today.
The
biggest limitation one faces as a woman is safety and the freedom of
movement. Older generations of women never had that freedom.
Period. They lived indoors and were always escorted either by male
members or other women and their mobility was limited to going to the
local temple where they met other women, gossiped and returned home.
Mixing socially (other than within the family) with members of the
opposite gender was strictly taboo. Dealing with trades people or
men who came home was the responsibility of men. Women did not come
out if their husbands had any male visitors. Did this ensure that they were safe?
As I
grew up, things changed a bit. The segregation was not so stark.
However, movement was restricted because of the usual issues. Coming
home very late on my own was cause for concern for my parents. Even
if they did not define a curfew hour for me, they were certainly
worried if I got home too late. Fear of being harassed by men on the
road or the unspoken fear of being molested (nothing new - it has been
the fear of women down the generations) certainly curtailed where I
could go, how long I could stay out ..... Of course, some of these
fears were also founded on personal experience. One stayed away from
certain areas, modes of travel; one went out to certain places only
during certain times of the day. There was a code of dressing –
one was brought up to believe that women of a “certain kind”
attracted “unwanted” attention. So one was personally
responsible for anything that happened to oneself.
Have
things changed today? Women work at all hours of day and night, they
wear pretty much what they wish to wear, wearing western clothes is
“in” or “cool”, wearing traditional gets one the label of
being “behenji type”. They are professionally competent and may
probably be far more competent than men. They are highly qualified, stay away from home to get more qualified and to work. They might earn 6 figure incomes. But all these changes, if
anything, seem to be very superficial. Scratch the surface and it
becomes evident that women, if anything, have it worse than women in
the past. Today, they seem to be more unsafe than women have ever
been in the past. Not a day goes by when we do not hear of women
being molested, raped, exploited in the work place by unscrupulous colleagues
or bosses or getting acid thrown on their faces for rejecting unwelcome
advances from “admirers” and one sided “lovers”. They get
molested openly on busy roads teeming with traffic and people, but no
one goes to their aid. Look at what happened in Guwahati. The
incident is captured by journalists and aired on news channels. (Was it more to get coverage or to try and save the girl)? The
police arrive after being tipped off and rescue her. But only 4 of
the 15 molesters seen live in action have been arrested.
Or
look at the case of a teenage girl who was thrown out of a moving
train in Karnataka when she tried to stand up to 4 men who were
trying to molest her. Just look at the sheer number of rapes that
take place in the capital of the country. The statistics are
devastating.
What safety can a woman expect in a country where her husband "protects her chastity" by putting a lock through her genitals? And what hope does have one have for women like her who do not even think of questioning his actions and quietly acquiesce? Women who do not think of complaining about him to the police till its too late?
This
is the state of affairs in a country where we worship a Mother
Goddess, a Goddess of Wealth and one for Learning. This is the
cultural and traditional heritage that we crow about from the
rooftops. This is the country we talk about when we indulge in empty
jingoism like “Mera Bharat mahaan”, “India shining”, “Saare
Jahaan se Accha”. We never tire boasting about the greatness of
our country and of our country-fellows.
Having
said which, the question arises, “So what are we going to do about
it? How do we deal with such crimes”? It is very distressing and
demoralising when we hear women in high places commenting on the need
for women to dress “decently” or asking “what was she doing in
a bar, dressed the way she was at such a late hour”? It sounds no
different from saying “she asked for it and got what she wanted”.
So the verdict of our “educated” women in high places is out.
Men are helpless beings who are seduced by such wayward women and
have no control over their instincts. They are not to blame. It is
the women who seduce them who are to blame. So much for empowerment
of women down the decades. Are we going to wait for men to come and save us from other men and all the atrocities they perpetrate on us? (What has changed since the times when a man who had to fight to get the practice of sati abolished, a man who had to fight to get women the right to education .....)?
We
obviously cannot change “society” without defining that word. If
it means all around me, except me, forget it. “Society” will
never change. If I consider myself part of that “society”, then I
have to be the change I wish to see. Well, I have started. For one, I
have decided that “fear of what could happen” is not going to
stop me from doing what I have to, what I need to for my own
progress. It is not going to stop me from “living”. I would not
stay at home just because I fear being knocked down by a car, or for
fear of being robbed or killed. That could happen to me even when I
am alone in the house (robbed or killed I mean - the people who were
killed by aircrafts were also INSIDE the WTC
towers. Staying indoors does not prevent one from getting
killed - be it by aircrafts, earthquakes, fires or any natural
calamity. Whatever has to happen, WILL HAPPEN ).
So too, there is no guarantee I would not be attacked inside my house
by intruders. So I have to treat any crime against women (something
that does not only happen only to others, but could
potentially happen to me too) just the same as any other crime. I
would not be the culprit. I would not be the one
to be blamed. I would not be the one stigmatised.
Would I be stigmatised if I was robbed? This is nothing different
from any other crime that could be perpetrated on me. The day I
decided to free myself from fear, that was the day I was free. I
would have to learn to ignore what "others" or "society"
thought of me, if any such thing were to happen.
