Some
terminologies and concepts bring a smile to the face. Indian
weddings, when they are not driving people (read the bride's family)
to tears, generally serve as a cause of tremendous amusement.
Just
take for instance the way the weddings are orchestrated. The age old
custom of "arranged marriages" was the
norm till such time as "love marriages" appeared
on the scene. To a casual listener, not quite familiar with the
Indian way of thinking, both would sound odd.
Arranged
marriages generally implied (in earlier times) that the bride and the
bridegroom did not know each other and probably did not even see each
other till after the wedding ceremony. That they did not see each
other during the wedding ceremony was taken care of in many
communities by making the bridegroom wear a sehra (a decoration of
flowers or beads covering his face), the bride had to wear a
ghoonghat (a head dress to cover her face). Probably they were making
that one or the other did not faint after seeing the others' face and
the wedding did not fall through. The spouse came gift wrapped,
so to say, and the gift could be seen only after the priests had put
their stamp of approval on the proceedings.
The
rule (followed by people of decent upbringing and of good cultural
and traditional values) says: "You shall not love before getting
married. It is a shame for the family and for the community.
Once married, it little matters whether you love your spouse or
not, our responsibility is done. Love/Like/Lump him/her."
I
am reminded of a tweet by a certain famous personality goes, "All
your life you are taught not to talk to strangers; Suddenly you are
asked to sleep with one!" Well, that is the very Indian concept
of virtue.
Oh
well, this concept obviously did not go down too well with some
youngsters. Or maybe Cupid is very favourably disposed to certain
types. So he introduces them to each other and they fall very much in
love. Parental and societal disapproval rate is pretty high - "Aaj
kal ke chora chori kya love shove ke chakkar mein padte hain" or
"onga paiyan oru ponnai luv panaran" translated as "your
son is doing love to one girl" (Please don't get any wrong ideas
here. It is just the colloquial expression for "to be in
love". Every possible means at their disposal gets
deployed in the war against youngsters who "do love". The
moral police of the country has recently started rounding up Romeos
and Juliets holding hands at street corners or in the local park.
Other self help methods employed by the parents include locking
up the girl at home, getting judgments passed against the couple for
indulging in such extraordinary behaviour such as loving each other
or worse still marrying the person they love (the khap panchayats are
very helpful and obliging to parents in this matter), emotional
blackmail - parents having heart attacks, threatening suicide or
refusing food (wouldn't it be a good idea to distribute this excess
food to the starving millions in this country?). Now the youngsters
are only left with one option viz. to elope, go to the nearest
court or temple and get married. No parents, no shamiana, no dowry,
no wedding trousseau, no guests, no five star catering, no gifts, no
wedding photographs, no album, no video-shideo ....... What an
anti-climax. After the excitement of a whirlwind romance, the
wedding becomes a very sedate one. They did break a very
important rule of Indian married life, did they not?
Well,
the younger generation is pretty smart. Or at least some of them are.
They do not like the idea of an arranged marriage, they “do love”,
they want to get married, but they do not want to miss out on the
side benefits – obviously they have to keep pappa and mamma happy.
So what do they do? Sweet talk the old man and old woman and make
them believe it was their idea in the first place to get these two
married. The parents are happy to believe that it is an arranged
marriage – parents arranged it, parents spent the money, parents
invited a lot of guests, spent a lot on trousseau, shamiana,
band-baaja, food ........ and happy young couple get a lot of gifts.
They are happy posing with parents for the photographs and videos.
They have a long line of visitors waiting with bouquets /
gifts / envelopes containing cash in their hands to be handed over to
couple; the obliging couple pose with them too, with bouquet and
have a picture taken (guests now can have photographic evidence to
prove they did not partake of the food for nothing. They honourably
spent money to gift the couple something or other. Besides the couple
and their parents have an idea of who gave what / how much, so when
they are invited to said guest's son's wedding, they will pay back
(in terms of gift or cash or boquet) to same tune. Such a wedding
where everyone is happy is called a "love cum arranged
marriage".
The parents are no less creative these days. They introduce the eligible prospectives, allow them to talk for anything varying from 15 minutes to a week. Then they "convince" the youngsters that the choice was entirely left to them and that they had the last word in fixing the deal. Such weddings are termed "facilitated weddings". Parents only "help" by "introducing" the main parties to each other.
Now things have gone one step further. This is the age of IT. So everything is decided by the computer. Computer plays role of astrologer. Computer plays the mediator by introducing parties with similar interests to each other. Wedding photos are put up on Facebook for everyone to see. If the wedding ends in misery or divorce, it gets discussed on various forums. Virtual friends help sort out issues, or advice consulting a lawyer.
And soon the next generation arrives on the scene to carry on our rich and varied heritage or to add more variations to it.
