Empowered Women and Increasing Divorce Rates - Related?

A neighbour, a divorcee, wants to get married again and is concerned about finding the right person this time round. She was the victim of domestic violence the last time round. She had endured the marriage for 10 long years despite being very well qualified and in a very responsible position at work. An acquaintance, a divorcee, has got married to another divorcee and is happily married since many years. Look at the matrimonial columns and one sees a separate one for divorcees. There is even an online matrimonial site for divorcees – secondshaadi.com

It is evident that the number of divorces in India is increasing. Where “divorce” was a dirty word not too long ago and being a divorcee carried a social stigma, making it difficult for the person to be married again (especially if it was a woman, so what even if she was an “innocent” divorcee – which all divorcees used to be if one were to believe the matrimonial ads – whatever that meant). Obviously something has changed, but what? The common conception seems to be that women becoming financially independent and empowered is a major reason for the increasing number of divorces. But is it really so?

There are a number of dynamics in any marriage that lead it to being a success or a failure. What was the reason for the number of divorces in India being globally one of the lowest? Odes have been sung to the social structure which supports a strong family system which in turn rests on the institution of marriage. So what has changed in the social structure for more marriages to fall apart? Earlier men and women stayed close to their families and social circles and were bound by social pressures to conform to certain patterns of behaviour. More recently, however, with the globalization of our economy, with more job opportunities opening up in the cities, more and more people have moved away from the family and started living on their own. They have effectively managed to break free from the stranglehold of social pressures. Alternative patterns of living such as “live-in relationships” have cropped up where people may choose not to get married in the first place. Living in a big city away from home offers the luxury of anonymity, making this possible. Where arranged marriages used to be the norm in the past, young people probably felt obliged to continue in marriages – happy or unhappy – to keep up social appearances and for the sake of family honour. Now, when more and more young people find their own partners and stay away from home, such pressures obviously decrease. This might explain, in general, the higher divorce rate and why it is more an urban pattern than a rural one where the old social structure seems to remain intact.

India is a country of many contradictions. Although we see so many social changes, scratch the surface and we find that not much has changed in our family hierarchy. If anything, our so-called “culture and traditions” are being grossly misuse to serve personal interests and to make a woman more subservient than she ever was. Today she has to excel at academics, extra-curricular activities, out-do her male counterparts to make a place for herself in her place of work – YET when it comes to marriage and home, nothing has changed for her. She still has to take care of the home as efficiently as she would if she was not working, make sure her kids do not suffer in any way (nutritionally, academically, emotionally .....) just because of her job ..... in short she has to be a Superwoman. As if all these demands placed on her are not enough, her position in the family hierarchy has not improved any. She still has to place her in-laws above her own parents. The number of women who complain of mental and emotional harassment at the hands of parents-in-law are not a few. It matters not then that she is a 60 year old woman herself retire from the highest echelons of Indian officialdom, she is still expected to toe the line. It matters not that not only is she independent but also supports the family in many ways, she is still seen as a “responsibility”. One might wonder why she does not walk out of the marriage or tell them where they get off. This is the sad reality of the Indian daughter-in-law. She might choose to stay on for the sake of her parents. She might do so for the sake for her children. She might just choose to do so because it is still not easy for an Indian woman to live alone as a divorcee. If this was the story for a woman who is 60 years old, the same still holds true for a woman in her 30s. She is just not mentally tuned to the idea of a “divorce”. So one can well imagine what a woman must be pushed to if she chooses to separate. Well, there might be exceptions, but here I have talked of the more common category of woman. It is a sad commentary, indeed, to think that to this day, many women, despite being financially independent, do not walk out of unhappy or abusive marriages.

If indeed there were women who said “enough is enough” and walked out when they should have, we would probably have read lesser reports of dowry deaths, forced abortions of female foeticides and the like. We would not hear of people who divorced their wives for not having kids or for having only daughters.

Having said this, there is no denying that the younger generation is (again a generalization here) tending to be more self-centred and growing more intolerant than the older ones (may be they have the option and luxury of doing so which we did not) and that this may result in a small proportion of divorces. Though I really doubt, we in India get to see many cases of divorces on flippant grounds like “I don't like the way my spouse snores or “my husband has lost his hair since the day I married him”.

So to conclude that empowerment of women is the sole or the major cause for the growing number of divorces is to shut one's eye to the picture as a whole. Even if it were true, it would only imply that the durability of Indian marriages in the past was not a result of any special virtue of our culture, but due to a lack of any viable options for women living in unhappy marriages. That would amount to nothing better than the most abject form of slavery. At the most one might say that women whose lives in a marriage have become so unendurable end up walking out because they have the financial option of doing so, the actual cause for the divorce being that their lives have become unendurable. Were women to walk out of marriages just because they were”empowered” or “financial independent”, would it not be more rational to believe that those women would have preferred to stay single in the first place or to opt for a live-in relationship?

This blog has been submitted for the 4th Annual International Women's Day Contest hosted by Indusladies.com

Women Down the Ages in Media and Movies. Time for a "Decisive" Change?

The “abala nari” proclaming to the hero “lekin main majboor hoon”. The Hindi film heroines of the 50's and 60's. The helpless woman who goes through life shedding tears at the drop of a hat. The virtuous, wronged, helpless woman who has no business being happy. The subservient, obedient wife. The unhappy widow whose only glory in life is the “honhar” beta she has produced. Her life revolves around serving him.

The heroine of the 70's with her birds nest hair style in bell bottoms and tight tops or a saree running around trees being romanced by the hero and at the receiving end of the unwelcome attentions of the villain. Only the outer packaging has changed. Old wine in a new bottle. She is there to complement the macho hero. Should she dare to be a rebel, she will be firmly brought back to line and she will turn into the saree clad, demure, simpering woman who knows her place and has been shown who is the boss. Or an one off like Seeta aur Geeta – one the quiet, obedient woman, the other the wild, self-willed one. A decent, family woman is not supposed to be flippant, light hearted.  She is not supposed to laugh openly and enjoy life.  She has to be responsible.  She is either the typical "ghar ki bahu" or the dignified widowed mother or a stern dowager.

Come the 1980's with their art films and a new crop of actresses like Shabana Azmi, Deepti Naval and the like. One sees sporadic efforts at portraying a thinking woman. Other run of the mill “commercial films” where the heroine shows a bit of spunk as a young, college going girl is metamorphosed into the demure saree clad wife after marriage. “Khubsoorat” starring Rekha and Ashok Kumar typifies this kind of heroine.

The 90's and the 21^st century see a return to the retrograde portrayal of women – scantily dressed is supposed to be “modern”, but not much else changes. “Item” numbers litter films. Women referred to as “items”. Women are hot, sexy, richly endowed in the physical sense, but hardly have much up in their crania. Very few films are made where a woman is shown in a powerful position or in a role which portray her as an intelligent, thinking person, as a woman of substance. The number of films addressing the real issues faced by women in real life are few and far between. When I say this, I am talking mainly about the Bollywood movies. I am not referring to the Satyajit Ray brand of films which are a class apart.

Take a look at the popular ads on TV. Women are generally shown as housewives, whose job in life is to look as if they have just stepped out of the beauty salon, no matter what time of day. They could have just finished washing a pile of clothes, but they look daisy fresh, with a smile on their lips. They do the cooking, washing, attend to the children, take care of their nutritive needs, tend their little illnesses with love and care, look after the in-laws and husband with a lot of love and care. This has been the prototype so far.

Things have changed to a certain extent. Women have now gone “modern” even in ads.

A lady is teaching a class full of adults English. Suddenly a man walks in and the dignified teacher is transformed into an idiotic woman in a split second – a woman who goes Bum-chika-bum. The ad claims that this is what Axe does to women. This is the most depraved, degenerate, retrograde ad I have ever seen.

Another ad shows a girl praying to God to give her “Zero marks” and goes on to explain that the marks are the ones on her face. One ad shows a woman losing loads of weight in 2 weeks after eating a popular brand of cereal and being the centre of attraction at a wedding. Most show them as sleek, elegant creatures with not a spare pound of flesh anywhere increasing the pressure to look like Barbie dolls. A woman must look beautiful, gorgeous, she should be a visual treat.

A daughter-in-law spars verbally with her mother-in-law about which chakki she gets her atta from.

Or she dances a jig in front of the washing machine while the clothes get washed. She is delighted when Hussain, a popular TV artist arrives at her home and shows her how to get her toilet to sparkle with Harpic. Yet another is amazed when Sakshi Tanwar shows her how to get her vessels to glisten in no time with mininum effort using Vim.

There is one ad where a daughter wants to grow her hair long like her mom had when she was young. Mom replies that grandma was a housewife and had the time to look after mom's hair but mom has to go to work and cannot do that for the daughter, as she is hard pressed for time. So she prefers daughter has short hair for convenience. She is made to feel extremely guilty by the daughter who asks her to stay at home like grandma. As it is working women have a hard time balancing work and home and playing superwoman. Such ads only add to their guilt and problems.

NOTE: No matter how modern, she does not step out of the kitchen or the home. That is her domain. The Lakshman Rekha is drawn.

Women on TV soaps are a class apart. They would give all the Christmas trees of the world put togethaer a major complex. They are always rich, have loads of money and time at their disposal, are decked up from top to toe with heavy jewellery and brocaded sarees and travel only in fancy cars. They wear heavy make up at all times of day and night – yes, even when they sleep. Their elaborate hair dos remain undisturbed even when they wake up in the morning. Their only occupation seems to be plotting against each other – especially if they are the negative characters – or taking care of the interests of all the members of the family. The bahu of the house has a God given right to monitor the lives of her younger brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law. She either helps in the family business or stays at home and keeps fending off efforts by the vamps and villains to discredit her. She is either the Goddess incarnate, worshipped by the family, always at their service, never too tired to do anything, OR she is a discredited, branded a “kulta” (slut) thrown out of the house and declared to be the persona non grata by the entire family for the slightest “mistake”...... till such time as she proves she is purer than Sita Maiyya and then taken back amidst scenes of tears and self-recriminations (for ever having doubted such a Devi).

Hold on dear friends. All is, however, not lost. Amidst this gloom there is still a ray of hope. One is seeing more soaps these days which try to portray women as personalities in their own right, individuals who are achievers. There have been serials in the past which made an effort to portray women struggling to stand on their own feet – an old serial featuring Priya Tendulkar “Swayamsiddha” about a single, working woman ('80s) comes to mind. Serials such as “Balika Vadhu”, “Bahut Acche Lagte Hain” and “Kucch Toh Log Kahenge” are being made today. Efforts are made at decrying child marriage and showing the protagonist as a woman who rises above her situation to achieve something not only for herself but also to educate those around her. Bahut Acche Lagte Hain shows a woman of substance and the struggles she faces in life while Kucch Toh Log Kahenge shows a young doctor with a mind of her own.

Yes, these efforts are just a drop in the ocean, but one can only hope that more such efforts for a positive and more realistic portrayal of women is made. We need to see women as individuals in their own right – women in powerful, decision making positions, women with a mind of their own. Mass media such as television, with the kind of reach and influence they have, have a massive responsibility to drive home the need for social change.

This blog has been submitted for the 4th Annual International Women's Day Contest hosted by Indusladies.com

A Letter From A Mother To Her Daughter

My dearest Pallavi,

What a wonderful bit of news you have given us. Finally we are going to be proud grandparents. This was the day I have always been looking forward to, though to tell you the truth, I still find it funny to think of myself as a grand-ma.

I have barely gotten used to the idea of being mom to a grown up daughter. It seems just like yesterday that I brought home a little pink bundle of joy that brought so much life and happiness into our home and hearts. How time flies! Before I knew it, you were ready to leave home to go to university. On one hand my instincts wanted to hold you back and keep you safe and sound at home within eye-sight; but mercifully better sense prevailed. I did not want to clip your wings. I wanted you to go out into the world, establish your own identity and become a confident, young woman of the world. Believe me, it was not easy. But today I am more than glad that I let you go. Today we are proud to be known as your parents rather than the other way round.

Soon you will be opening a new chapter of your life. You will soon be a mother yourself. Goodness, the idea feels so strange. My little girl ....... You know I feel like the “Father of the bride” when she announces she is going to get married.

You are going to face a whole lot of challenges as one. But facing challenges is nothing new to you. In fact you positively thrive on them. “The moment a child is born, a mother is born” it is said. This being your first child, there will be lot of things for you to learn. Motherhood brings with it a lot of joy, but then it also brings a lot of responsibilities, heartbreaks and sleepless nights. To start with, the arrival of a baby is going to change your life and turn it upside down. You will not quite know what hit you.

Bringing up a child in today's world is no mean task. First of all you are going to have to decide what you want to do with your career. My “Superwoman” high flying executive in a multi-national company, you are used to jet-setting round the world. You are used to your independence and to your financial independence. Have you given a thought to whether you will continue to work after the baby is born and if so, how soon you will return to work? This decision is going to tear you apart. Giving up your job to be with the little one would be rewarding in a way. A baby is not going to remain one for ever. If you lose out on these precious moments of her growing up, you will have lost out on them for ever. I am always willing to drop everything on a dime and come to help you look after the baby. But would you like to lose out on these precious years? This is something you need to decide for yourself. The decision will be entirely yours (and of course your husband's – it has to be a joint decision). Rest assured, dad and I will support you whichever way you decide. (By the way, let me mention, you might be boss at work, but you will soon have a little boss at home. You will be at her beck and call and she will twist you round her little finger, but you will enjoy every bit of it).

If you have any plans of going back to work, you better start planning for baby care at home. My services are always available, but let me warn you I am not as energetic as I used to be. I would need help in the form of a maid to do the running around. I shall be very glad to keep an eye on her and keep the little one occupied. If you have any other ideas, you are welcome to do accordingly.

This will only be the start. Needless to say, other challenges in the form of school admissions, college admissions etc. will always be there, but these will be trifles when compared to some other major issues that will pop up. I shall not even go into the sleepless nights, the heart aches, the illnesses etc. Those are things that every mother has faced over the generations. You will find plenty of guidance for those issues through books, friends, mom, mom-in-law ........ But as a mother in the 21^st century, you will be faced with an entirely new set of challenges that we of the past generations did not face.

First and foremost you are going to face a dilemma about what values you are going to give your child. On one hand you have grown up with the highest moral values and you are pretty scrupulous in living by them. On the other hand we live in a highly corrupt world and children are going to be exposed to various forms of corruption outside the house. Bring them up to be scrupulously honest and straight forward, they might end up being losers in the real world. On the other hand you cannot bring yourself to teach them to be crooked either. So what do you tell them? Or do you tell them what you believe and then let them go figure the rest out themselves????? Not an easy decision. I admit, I am glad I don't have to face this one myself.

My pumpkin (that is what an “all-rounder” is, isn't it?), I don't know how you feel about this, but I never pushed you to be a high achiever. I always focussed on your growing up to be a well-rounded personality, a happy child. It is a different matter that you had an academic bent of mind and did exceedingly well in your studies. Reality is going to be quite different for your child. She is going to grow up in a highly competitive, cut-throat world. Like it or not, you will have to push to compete to some extent. To what extent would be something that you will have to decide. Bringing her up to be a balanced personality in the midst of such competitiveness will not be an easy task my girl, but it is something you will have to do. I am sure you would not want to bring up a book worm who has no other social skills.

As if all this were not enough, you will of course have to contend with a whole lot of issues like making sure your child is safe and in good company. The advent of the internet era has not done anything to make things easy in that respect. While it has literally laid open up a world of information at the tip of one's fingers, it has also literally brought predators into our homes through open “windows”. Controlling your children's TV viewing habits and monitoring what they access on internet is going to be a constant policing job which you will have to do very subtly, so as not to make it too obvious.  You will have to learn the art of being a friend to your teenage children, a confidante to whom they can turn whenever they feel the need for help and friendly advice.  But never let them forget that you are their parent first and then their friend.  They must learn to respect your authority, otherwise you will be in for big time trouble.

Bringing up a girl child would bring with it a whole lot of anxieties. Ask me, I should know. You would die a million deaths every time she is late coming home. How many times have I sat watching the clock, chewing my nails, waiting for you to return home? I would not be surprised if God had started using ear-plugs to shut me out every time I so much as said “G..”!!!!! However, difficult it is, I am sure you will not not ever try to curtail her freedom. She has as much of a right to live her life to the fullest as any man. Living life in fear is not living. It is sheer existence which is just not worth the while. Lay out rules. Keep them simple and balanced. Allow her a plenty of freedom. But teach her to understand that freedom comes with responsibility. Bring her up to stand up for herself, to fight her own battles for justice and fairness and to uphold her own dignity. No easy task, but I am sure you will admit we did not do too badly with you. I am sure you will do a wonderful job with your daughter.

Should it be a boy, you will need to ensure that you bring him up to be a decent human being who learns to respect women and treat them well. Make sure you bring him up with the same degree of discipline as you would your daughter. He will need to learn that he does not have any special privileges just by virtue of his gender.

I think that is quite enough for now dear. I have no intention of scaring you. I only want to make sure that you are fully prepared – mentally and emotionally – to be a modern day mother. I know you are much smarter than me and think 10 steps ahead of me – always – but still, I do hope you will understand my need to prepare you. I promise you, you will be doing this in another 25 years time.

Waiting eagerly for the new member of the family and wishing you all the best. Lots and lots of love to the two and a half of you.

This blog has been submitted for the 4th Annual International Women's Day Contest hosted by Indusladies.com

Woman, Cast Aside Fear And Live!!!!!

Being a woman is not easy. Not in India, in fact nowhere in the world. If we Indians have our set of problems, women in other geographical locations have their own as well. Those might be different from what we face here in India, but by no means would they be any less problematic.

To start off with, let me sum up the situation in India. I was born in the early 60s. My life was considerably different from that of women born earlier in this country. Or that is what I thought. May be, being born in a "typical middle class family"(this was something to be proud of till a decade ago, when "middle class" suddenly became a kind of abusive word - one considers them down market today, but let that pass), I was brought up with values associated with that class of people, but had plenty of opportunities to study, to be "equal" to any male member of this society. Although I considered myself blessed when I compared myself to women of previous generations, "equal" always came with some riders - before my times, during my younger days and it continues to be that way even today.

The biggest limitation one faces as a woman is safety and the freedom of movement. Older generations of women never had that freedom. Period. They lived indoors and were always escorted either by male members or other women and their mobility was limited to going to the local temple where they met other women, gossiped and returned home. Mixing socially (other than within the family) with members of the opposite gender was strictly taboo. Dealing with trades people or men who came home was the responsibility of men. Women did not come out if their husbands had any male visitors.  Did this ensure that they were safe?

As I grew up, things changed a bit. The segregation was not so stark. However, movement was restricted because of the usual issues. Coming home very late on my own was cause for concern for my parents. Even if they did not define a curfew hour for me, they were certainly worried if I got home too late. Fear of being harassed by men on the road or the unspoken fear of being molested (nothing new - it has been the fear of women down the generations) certainly curtailed where I could go, how long I could stay out ..... Of course, some of these fears were also founded on personal experience. One stayed away from certain areas, modes of travel; one went out to certain places only during certain times of the day. There was a code of dressing – one was brought up to believe that women of a “certain kind” attracted “unwanted” attention. So one was personally responsible for anything that happened to oneself.

Have things changed today? Women work at all hours of day and night, they wear pretty much what they wish to wear, wearing western clothes is “in” or “cool”, wearing traditional gets one the label of being “behenji type”. They are professionally competent and may probably be far more competent than men. They are highly qualified, stay away from home to get more qualified and to work.  They might earn 6 figure incomes.  But all these changes, if anything, seem to be very superficial. Scratch the surface and it becomes evident that women, if anything, have it worse than women in the past. Today, they seem to be more unsafe than women have ever been in the past. Not a day goes by when we do not hear of women being molested, raped, exploited in the work place by unscrupulous colleagues or bosses or getting acid thrown on their faces for rejecting unwelcome advances from “admirers” and one sided “lovers”. They get molested openly on busy roads teeming with traffic and people, but no one goes to their aid. Look at what happened in Guwahati. The incident is captured by journalists and aired on news channels. (Was it more to get coverage or to try and save the girl)?  The police arrive after being tipped off and rescue her. But only 4 of the 15 molesters seen live in action have been arrested.

Or look at the case of a teenage girl who was thrown out of a moving train in Karnataka when she tried to stand up to 4 men who were trying to molest her. Just look at the sheer number of rapes that take place in the capital of the country. The statistics are devastating.

What safety can a woman expect in a country where her husband "protects her chastity" by putting a lock through her genitals?  And what hope does have one have for women like her who do not even think of questioning his actions and quietly acquiesce?  Women who do not think of complaining about him to the police till its too late?

This is the state of affairs in a country where we worship a Mother Goddess, a Goddess of Wealth and one for Learning. This is the cultural and traditional heritage that we crow about from the rooftops. This is the country we talk about when we indulge in empty jingoism like “Mera Bharat mahaan”, “India shining”, “Saare Jahaan se Accha”. We never tire boasting about the greatness of our country and of our country-fellows.

Having said which, the question arises, “So what are we going to do about it? How do we deal with such crimes”? It is very distressing and demoralising when we hear women in high places commenting on the need for women to dress “decently” or asking “what was she doing in a bar, dressed the way she was at such a late hour”? It sounds no different from saying “she asked for it and got what she wanted”. So the verdict of our “educated” women in high places is out. Men are helpless beings who are seduced by such wayward women and have no control over their instincts. They are not to blame. It is the women who seduce them who are to blame. So much for empowerment of women down the decades.  Are we going to wait for men to come and save us from other men and all the atrocities they perpetrate on us?  (What has changed since the times when a man who had to fight to get the practice of sati abolished, a man who had to fight to get women the right to education .....)?

We obviously cannot change “society” without defining that word. If it means all around me, except me, forget it. “Society” will never change. If I consider myself part of that “society”, then I have to be the change I wish to see. Well, I have started. For one, I have decided that “fear of what could happen” is not going to stop me from doing what I have to, what I need to for my own progress. It is not going to stop me from “living”. I would not stay at home just because I fear being knocked down by a car, or for fear of being robbed or killed. That could happen to me even when I am alone in the house (robbed or killed I mean - the people who were killed by aircrafts were also INSIDE the WTC towers.  Staying indoors does not prevent one from getting killed - be it by aircrafts, earthquakes, fires or any natural calamity.  Whatever has to happen, WILL HAPPEN ).  So too, there is no guarantee I would not be attacked inside my house by intruders. So I have to treat any crime against women (something that does not only happen only to others, but could potentially happen to me too) just the same as any other crime. I would not be the culprit. I would not be the one to be blamed. I would not be the one stigmatised. Would I be stigmatised if I was robbed? This is nothing different from any other crime that could be perpetrated on me. The day I decided to free myself from fear, that was the day I was free.  I would have to learn to ignore what "others" or "society" thought of me, if any such thing were to happen.

A Mother's Plight

Today is mother's day.  There are many unfortunate mothers in India, whose daughters are deprived of the right to live even before they are born and who themselves are deprived of the right and joy to hold their little bundles of joy in their arms if they are daughters.  Unfortunately this practice of female foeticide  is very common even amongst highly educated families in big cities.

This poem is dedicated to these unfortunate women.

A loud plaintive scream rent the air

The pain was much more than she could bear

The life that within her had barely begun

Was not one that could be called "my son"

A daughter was growing inside her

A replica of herself as it were

This little angel she wished in her arms to hold

On this idea hubby and in-laws were not sold

Leave me alone, let my child be born

From begging and pleading she was utterly worn

Her job though was only children to bear

For her rights and opinions no one did care

A hasty appointment with the doctor was made

And so it was that on the table she was laid

In a room where little babies were born

Her little angel from her womb was torn

But who did for her screams ever care

Her pain was her own, alone to bear

She could rant, rave, scream or yell

Her life was one unending hell

She was obliged to give the family an heir

To fight for her rights, though, she did not dare

Did she even know her rights

If she did, why was she in this plight

Why is it that a son who worships his own mother

About the mother of his children does not bother

Why is his mother who is a woman

To her daughter in law so inhuman

This is a lady who was also once born

A girl child who was not of her right to live shorn

Where would this man be if she had been killed instead

Has this thought even entered their heads

The statistics are enough to scare

Girls as a population are growing ever rare

Wake up you ignoramuses, you better beware

Your race will be wiped out if you don't care

Women wake up, fight for your rights

Tolerating injustice, taking it light

Is just as wrong as being unjust

Protect your daughters is something you MUST.

Here Yesterday, Gone Today, Forgotten Tomorrow

From a forward.  Photographer unknown.

Isn't this a heart-warming picture?  It makes us wonder and marvel at Nature and other creatures who protect their young ones just "like us".  Or do they?  "Like us" I mean.  Hold on, I think I would like to drop out those two words - it would embarass and shame all the creatures in the animal kingdom to be compared with "us", some of whom selectively destroy their young ones - not based on  some physical defects, but only on the fact that they are females.  Yes same the very same females of the species who procreate and bring forth new members of the species and protect and nourish the young ones.

Last month Baby Falak, a 2 month old baby girl died after being battered by some inhuman adult.

It shocked the conscience of the nation.  If that was shocking, then what does one of a "FATHER" who battered his 3 month old to death?  Yes that is the tragic story of Baby Afreen born to a 19 year old mother.

This young mother was married off at the age of 17 to a divorcee whose parents promised her parents that they would take her on a Haj 1 week after the wedding.  The impoverished parents who could not afford to ever go on a Haj very happily agreed, thinking at least this daughter (of 3 daughters) would get to go and be ensured of her place in heaven.  The son-in-law it turned out was a drug addict and would harass their daughter.  Once the daughter was born, he asked her to get Rs. 1 lakh as compensation because the child was a female.  And then started the sordid tale of battering the baby girl.  When he tried to smother the baby about a week ago, she was brought to the hospital by the mother and was  in a coma till yesterday, when to her good fortune she went to a better place - away from the monsters of this world.  Had she survived, the chances that she might be challenged for the rest of her life might have been high.  Better she was spared that agony.  God decided she deserved better.

What do we say of a society where a daughter's life is decided based on criteria such as her chances of going on a pilgrimage?  What do we say of parents who get their daughter married off before the legal marriageable age, without checking out the credentials of the man whom they are entrusting with their daughter's happiness?  And sad to say I cannot write them off as the exceptions or as deviants from the normal.  They are probably the norm in our country, even if their reasons for getting minor daughters married may be different. 

What do we say of a mother who does not report the husband who batters her baby?  What do we say of parents who do not bring their married daughter back home despite knowing that she is being tortured every day?

What do we say of a society which claims to worship female deities and sees a mother as a Goddess, but chooses to destroy young female infants?

What do we say of parents who destroy female foetuses before they are born?  Or are they better than parents who give birth to them and then batter them?????

Should I consider myself as particularly privileged for having been allowed to live, learn and flourish?  For having had a particularly good set of parents who were extremely enlightened for their times?  Should I be grateful to God for this or should I be grateful to my society to have allowed me to be what I am today?  Or should I be grateful to have been born in better times, before a so-called "ancient civilization" fell inexorably sick and started moving at breakneck speed in reverse gear into the dark ages?

This is the society which has produced Indira Gandhi, Kiran Majumdar, Kiran Bedi, Indira Noorani whom we tout as our claim to our "liberal, forward looking society".  But then these are women we can count on our finger tips, while the Baby Falaks and Baby Afreens are part of an innumerable statistic - here yesterday, gone today, forgotten tomorrow.

Bring In A Change

Source:  Google

Womens' day has come and gone

Let us look at facts, of romantic notions shorne

We claim independence, we are liberated we say

But facts point out the other way

Take a look at the news every morn

At the injustice by womankind borne

Raped by strangers, by kith and kin

Starved by parents, thrown at birth into bins

Women are their own enemies as so often is said

Even more so from the time they are wed

Parents willing to pay anything of them to get rid

Willing in tens of thousands for a groom to bid

And woe betide if her own partner she should find

There are many who this state of affairs would mind

How dare she decide who should be her mate

Ask the “khaps”, her brothers who are all filled with hate

A “decent” “well brought-up”girl should wait

For her parents to find her the right mate

It is not in our “rich culture” to date

She must marry the person who is handed to her by “fate”

Her dreams are shattered from the word go

Mil, Sil being the cause of many a woe

“Bring more money from your parents” they say

If she can't she is slaughtered one day

Husband beats her mercilessly

And visits another woman shamelessly

The wife's job for her is cut out

Cook, clean, produce kids, her life is a rut

Shackled to date by chains of “culture” and “tradition”

Which ensures she gets no remission

From her miserable, wretched existence

Only death can be the ultimate deliverance

This is of the majority the condition

And if you think the solution is “education”

Think again, for in our country it is only a word

Which means passing exams, getting certificates, becoming a nerd

Our moral police are eternally alert

When it comes to “traditional values” and anyone in a skirt

Traditions do not apply to men

Culture is not something to be protected by them

And then our “respect” for women and Goddesses we assert

While day in and day out their interests we hurt

Nothing has changed since Joan at the stakes was burnt

Isn't it sad, to date nothing better has been learnt

In order a real change in society to effect

All negative values need to completely reject

We need to change the way we think

To throw out such practices that so utterly stink

A civilized society if we wish to be

Every individual needs to be free

From practices which their freedom of expression stifle

And with their dignity and basic human rights trifle

A society where a woman is free

To prosperity is the ultimate key

Where women are happy there the Gods dwell

Where they are not, there life is a hell

If a change we really want

Don't allow anything you to daunt

For change must inevitably start with “me”

Not with granny, uncle, she or he.