Women Down the Ages in Media and Movies. Time for a "Decisive" Change?

The “abala nari” proclaming to the hero “lekin main majboor hoon”. The Hindi film heroines of the 50's and 60's. The helpless woman who goes through life shedding tears at the drop of a hat. The virtuous, wronged, helpless woman who has no business being happy. The subservient, obedient wife. The unhappy widow whose only glory in life is the “honhar” beta she has produced. Her life revolves around serving him.

The heroine of the 70's with her birds nest hair style in bell bottoms and tight tops or a saree running around trees being romanced by the hero and at the receiving end of the unwelcome attentions of the villain. Only the outer packaging has changed. Old wine in a new bottle. She is there to complement the macho hero. Should she dare to be a rebel, she will be firmly brought back to line and she will turn into the saree clad, demure, simpering woman who knows her place and has been shown who is the boss. Or an one off like Seeta aur Geeta – one the quiet, obedient woman, the other the wild, self-willed one. A decent, family woman is not supposed to be flippant, light hearted.  She is not supposed to laugh openly and enjoy life.  She has to be responsible.  She is either the typical "ghar ki bahu" or the dignified widowed mother or a stern dowager.

Come the 1980's with their art films and a new crop of actresses like Shabana Azmi, Deepti Naval and the like. One sees sporadic efforts at portraying a thinking woman. Other run of the mill “commercial films” where the heroine shows a bit of spunk as a young, college going girl is metamorphosed into the demure saree clad wife after marriage. “Khubsoorat” starring Rekha and Ashok Kumar typifies this kind of heroine.

The 90's and the 21^st century see a return to the retrograde portrayal of women – scantily dressed is supposed to be “modern”, but not much else changes. “Item” numbers litter films. Women referred to as “items”. Women are hot, sexy, richly endowed in the physical sense, but hardly have much up in their crania. Very few films are made where a woman is shown in a powerful position or in a role which portray her as an intelligent, thinking person, as a woman of substance. The number of films addressing the real issues faced by women in real life are few and far between. When I say this, I am talking mainly about the Bollywood movies. I am not referring to the Satyajit Ray brand of films which are a class apart.

Take a look at the popular ads on TV. Women are generally shown as housewives, whose job in life is to look as if they have just stepped out of the beauty salon, no matter what time of day. They could have just finished washing a pile of clothes, but they look daisy fresh, with a smile on their lips. They do the cooking, washing, attend to the children, take care of their nutritive needs, tend their little illnesses with love and care, look after the in-laws and husband with a lot of love and care. This has been the prototype so far.

Things have changed to a certain extent. Women have now gone “modern” even in ads.

A lady is teaching a class full of adults English. Suddenly a man walks in and the dignified teacher is transformed into an idiotic woman in a split second – a woman who goes Bum-chika-bum. The ad claims that this is what Axe does to women. This is the most depraved, degenerate, retrograde ad I have ever seen.

Another ad shows a girl praying to God to give her “Zero marks” and goes on to explain that the marks are the ones on her face. One ad shows a woman losing loads of weight in 2 weeks after eating a popular brand of cereal and being the centre of attraction at a wedding. Most show them as sleek, elegant creatures with not a spare pound of flesh anywhere increasing the pressure to look like Barbie dolls. A woman must look beautiful, gorgeous, she should be a visual treat.

A daughter-in-law spars verbally with her mother-in-law about which chakki she gets her atta from.

Or she dances a jig in front of the washing machine while the clothes get washed. She is delighted when Hussain, a popular TV artist arrives at her home and shows her how to get her toilet to sparkle with Harpic. Yet another is amazed when Sakshi Tanwar shows her how to get her vessels to glisten in no time with mininum effort using Vim.

There is one ad where a daughter wants to grow her hair long like her mom had when she was young. Mom replies that grandma was a housewife and had the time to look after mom's hair but mom has to go to work and cannot do that for the daughter, as she is hard pressed for time. So she prefers daughter has short hair for convenience. She is made to feel extremely guilty by the daughter who asks her to stay at home like grandma. As it is working women have a hard time balancing work and home and playing superwoman. Such ads only add to their guilt and problems.

NOTE: No matter how modern, she does not step out of the kitchen or the home. That is her domain. The Lakshman Rekha is drawn.

Women on TV soaps are a class apart. They would give all the Christmas trees of the world put togethaer a major complex. They are always rich, have loads of money and time at their disposal, are decked up from top to toe with heavy jewellery and brocaded sarees and travel only in fancy cars. They wear heavy make up at all times of day and night – yes, even when they sleep. Their elaborate hair dos remain undisturbed even when they wake up in the morning. Their only occupation seems to be plotting against each other – especially if they are the negative characters – or taking care of the interests of all the members of the family. The bahu of the house has a God given right to monitor the lives of her younger brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law. She either helps in the family business or stays at home and keeps fending off efforts by the vamps and villains to discredit her. She is either the Goddess incarnate, worshipped by the family, always at their service, never too tired to do anything, OR she is a discredited, branded a “kulta” (slut) thrown out of the house and declared to be the persona non grata by the entire family for the slightest “mistake”...... till such time as she proves she is purer than Sita Maiyya and then taken back amidst scenes of tears and self-recriminations (for ever having doubted such a Devi).

Hold on dear friends. All is, however, not lost. Amidst this gloom there is still a ray of hope. One is seeing more soaps these days which try to portray women as personalities in their own right, individuals who are achievers. There have been serials in the past which made an effort to portray women struggling to stand on their own feet – an old serial featuring Priya Tendulkar “Swayamsiddha” about a single, working woman ('80s) comes to mind. Serials such as “Balika Vadhu”, “Bahut Acche Lagte Hain” and “Kucch Toh Log Kahenge” are being made today. Efforts are made at decrying child marriage and showing the protagonist as a woman who rises above her situation to achieve something not only for herself but also to educate those around her. Bahut Acche Lagte Hain shows a woman of substance and the struggles she faces in life while Kucch Toh Log Kahenge shows a young doctor with a mind of her own.

Yes, these efforts are just a drop in the ocean, but one can only hope that more such efforts for a positive and more realistic portrayal of women is made. We need to see women as individuals in their own right – women in powerful, decision making positions, women with a mind of their own. Mass media such as television, with the kind of reach and influence they have, have a massive responsibility to drive home the need for social change.

This blog has been submitted for the 4th Annual International Women's Day Contest hosted by Indusladies.com

A Letter From A Mother To Her Daughter

My dearest Pallavi,

What a wonderful bit of news you have given us. Finally we are going to be proud grandparents. This was the day I have always been looking forward to, though to tell you the truth, I still find it funny to think of myself as a grand-ma.

I have barely gotten used to the idea of being mom to a grown up daughter. It seems just like yesterday that I brought home a little pink bundle of joy that brought so much life and happiness into our home and hearts. How time flies! Before I knew it, you were ready to leave home to go to university. On one hand my instincts wanted to hold you back and keep you safe and sound at home within eye-sight; but mercifully better sense prevailed. I did not want to clip your wings. I wanted you to go out into the world, establish your own identity and become a confident, young woman of the world. Believe me, it was not easy. But today I am more than glad that I let you go. Today we are proud to be known as your parents rather than the other way round.

Soon you will be opening a new chapter of your life. You will soon be a mother yourself. Goodness, the idea feels so strange. My little girl ....... You know I feel like the “Father of the bride” when she announces she is going to get married.

You are going to face a whole lot of challenges as one. But facing challenges is nothing new to you. In fact you positively thrive on them. “The moment a child is born, a mother is born” it is said. This being your first child, there will be lot of things for you to learn. Motherhood brings with it a lot of joy, but then it also brings a lot of responsibilities, heartbreaks and sleepless nights. To start with, the arrival of a baby is going to change your life and turn it upside down. You will not quite know what hit you.

Bringing up a child in today's world is no mean task. First of all you are going to have to decide what you want to do with your career. My “Superwoman” high flying executive in a multi-national company, you are used to jet-setting round the world. You are used to your independence and to your financial independence. Have you given a thought to whether you will continue to work after the baby is born and if so, how soon you will return to work? This decision is going to tear you apart. Giving up your job to be with the little one would be rewarding in a way. A baby is not going to remain one for ever. If you lose out on these precious moments of her growing up, you will have lost out on them for ever. I am always willing to drop everything on a dime and come to help you look after the baby. But would you like to lose out on these precious years? This is something you need to decide for yourself. The decision will be entirely yours (and of course your husband's – it has to be a joint decision). Rest assured, dad and I will support you whichever way you decide. (By the way, let me mention, you might be boss at work, but you will soon have a little boss at home. You will be at her beck and call and she will twist you round her little finger, but you will enjoy every bit of it).

If you have any plans of going back to work, you better start planning for baby care at home. My services are always available, but let me warn you I am not as energetic as I used to be. I would need help in the form of a maid to do the running around. I shall be very glad to keep an eye on her and keep the little one occupied. If you have any other ideas, you are welcome to do accordingly.

This will only be the start. Needless to say, other challenges in the form of school admissions, college admissions etc. will always be there, but these will be trifles when compared to some other major issues that will pop up. I shall not even go into the sleepless nights, the heart aches, the illnesses etc. Those are things that every mother has faced over the generations. You will find plenty of guidance for those issues through books, friends, mom, mom-in-law ........ But as a mother in the 21^st century, you will be faced with an entirely new set of challenges that we of the past generations did not face.

First and foremost you are going to face a dilemma about what values you are going to give your child. On one hand you have grown up with the highest moral values and you are pretty scrupulous in living by them. On the other hand we live in a highly corrupt world and children are going to be exposed to various forms of corruption outside the house. Bring them up to be scrupulously honest and straight forward, they might end up being losers in the real world. On the other hand you cannot bring yourself to teach them to be crooked either. So what do you tell them? Or do you tell them what you believe and then let them go figure the rest out themselves????? Not an easy decision. I admit, I am glad I don't have to face this one myself.

My pumpkin (that is what an “all-rounder” is, isn't it?), I don't know how you feel about this, but I never pushed you to be a high achiever. I always focussed on your growing up to be a well-rounded personality, a happy child. It is a different matter that you had an academic bent of mind and did exceedingly well in your studies. Reality is going to be quite different for your child. She is going to grow up in a highly competitive, cut-throat world. Like it or not, you will have to push to compete to some extent. To what extent would be something that you will have to decide. Bringing her up to be a balanced personality in the midst of such competitiveness will not be an easy task my girl, but it is something you will have to do. I am sure you would not want to bring up a book worm who has no other social skills.

As if all this were not enough, you will of course have to contend with a whole lot of issues like making sure your child is safe and in good company. The advent of the internet era has not done anything to make things easy in that respect. While it has literally laid open up a world of information at the tip of one's fingers, it has also literally brought predators into our homes through open “windows”. Controlling your children's TV viewing habits and monitoring what they access on internet is going to be a constant policing job which you will have to do very subtly, so as not to make it too obvious.  You will have to learn the art of being a friend to your teenage children, a confidante to whom they can turn whenever they feel the need for help and friendly advice.  But never let them forget that you are their parent first and then their friend.  They must learn to respect your authority, otherwise you will be in for big time trouble.

Bringing up a girl child would bring with it a whole lot of anxieties. Ask me, I should know. You would die a million deaths every time she is late coming home. How many times have I sat watching the clock, chewing my nails, waiting for you to return home? I would not be surprised if God had started using ear-plugs to shut me out every time I so much as said “G..”!!!!! However, difficult it is, I am sure you will not not ever try to curtail her freedom. She has as much of a right to live her life to the fullest as any man. Living life in fear is not living. It is sheer existence which is just not worth the while. Lay out rules. Keep them simple and balanced. Allow her a plenty of freedom. But teach her to understand that freedom comes with responsibility. Bring her up to stand up for herself, to fight her own battles for justice and fairness and to uphold her own dignity. No easy task, but I am sure you will admit we did not do too badly with you. I am sure you will do a wonderful job with your daughter.

Should it be a boy, you will need to ensure that you bring him up to be a decent human being who learns to respect women and treat them well. Make sure you bring him up with the same degree of discipline as you would your daughter. He will need to learn that he does not have any special privileges just by virtue of his gender.

I think that is quite enough for now dear. I have no intention of scaring you. I only want to make sure that you are fully prepared – mentally and emotionally – to be a modern day mother. I know you are much smarter than me and think 10 steps ahead of me – always – but still, I do hope you will understand my need to prepare you. I promise you, you will be doing this in another 25 years time.

Waiting eagerly for the new member of the family and wishing you all the best. Lots and lots of love to the two and a half of you.

This blog has been submitted for the 4th Annual International Women's Day Contest hosted by Indusladies.com

The Homecoming

Disha stared out of the window of the train as it sped towards Kerala. She was visiting her aunt on a break from work for 3 days. It was a respite she was looking forward to. Her work kept her on her feet from morning to evening with just enough time to grab a quick bite at lunch time and a cup of coffee in the evening. It was not that she did not enjoy her job, but there were days when it did get her down. She was wondering whether this was what she really wanted to do all her life.

She sighed deeply as she settled down comfortably in her corner and rested her head against the window. The cool breeze was very refreshing and the lush green paddy fields and coconut trees rushing in the opposite direction were very soothing to the eye. The wheels of the train drumed a rhythmic beat on the iron tracks lulling her mind into a reflective state. She slowly went back to her younger days.

Disha was a fun loving girl. She was one among 5 siblings – 3 girls and 2 boys. Her father, Joseph, worked in the railways in a clerical position and her mother, Regina, was a nurse. They somehow made ends meet and the children were sent to missionary schools where the fees were not unreasonably high. The parents were very strict with the children, especially with the girls. There were very rigid curfew hours for the daughters and woe betide any of them who dared to come home late.

Despite all this Disha and her sisters were very spirited and had their share of fun. They managed to get through their exams with average marks. They did not have any great ambitions in life. They were brought up to expect that they would have to get married to devout Catholic boys when they came of age and this would have to be done with the approval of the parents.

So it was that Disha got married to Steven when she was around 22. She had completed her graduation in commerce, done a short course in type writing and had been working for a couple of years as an accountant in an office not too far from her home in Thalassery. Steven hailed from Eranakulam. He came from a family of two brothers and two sisters. His father was a clerk in the municipal office and his mother a housewife. His brother and sisters were still studying and he himself done a diploma from a polytechnic college. He had been working with a construction company since the last 4 years and was 25 years old.

After marriage, Disha moved to Ernakulam and tried to find a job there. She found a job in a local library. Her usual routine involved getting up early in the morning, making breakfast for the whole family, going to work (everyone had lunch in the canteen at work or in college), come back in the evening, get back into the kitchen and cook dinner for everyone. There would be very little help forthcoming from anyone, though there would be plenty of complaints, snide comments and rude remarks. She tried ignoring these for a while though she used to feel very hurt. Steven did not do much to stand up for her. By and by their relationship too got strained. Things went too far and soon enough it came to the stage of a break-up. Not surprisingly, there was no support from her own family, nor was she welcome back home.

Disha with her broken heart approached a friend who was her friend, philosopher and guide. The friend took her in for a week and during this time they kept looking for other job opportunities for Disha outside Ernakulam. This is how they came across an advertisement calling for young boys and girls in their 20s willing to work as “care-givers” for elderly people in a home in Bangalore. The home was called “Angels of Hope” and was started by a Dr. Rukmini Krishnan and her husband. This was a home which took in patients with dementia and Alzheimers' and took care of them. The home also had a lot of other programmes for the welfare of the elderly.

The incumbents would be offered a decent salary, accommodation and meals. In return they would have to take care of the elderly just like they would take care of their own grand parents or elderly parents. It would not be easy. Old people suffering with dementia, Alzheimers', Parkinsons' and such problems are not always easy to take care of. They have their mood swings. It can be a lot more difficult than taking care of children. Taking care of children, while difficult, can also have its fun moments, but one cannot be guaranteed of such moments when caring for the elderly. If one gets them, they would be a bonus.

Disha decided to take up this job and give it a try. At least she would have a roof over her head and a job to take care of her for a while and if she did not like her job she could look for something else with this in hand.

The first 3 months had gone in training. It had been alright – not too difficult, not too easy. It had been hard work. One had to deal with old people, their quirks, their illnesses, do everything for them including taking them to the toilet, cleaning them, changing diapers, bathing them, combing their hair, feeding them, cajoling them to eat, ensuring that they took their medications etc. That was not all. Some of them were very advanced cases of dementia and would keep talking to themselves, or to imaginary, unseen people, cursing them, shouting at them, rocking incessantly, chewing their clothes all the time, walking up and down, turning violent at times ....... all this was part of a day's work. There were patients who would rinse their mouths with the coffee or food they were given and spit it out. Others would pour all the coffee down on the floor. Oh, at times it could get exasperating. In the evenings they would have to bring down the washed clothes, fold them and separate them and put them into the cupboards of the individual inmates.

In the evenings they would take those people who were capable of sitting out onto the lawn on wheel chairs or walking with the help of walkers or with support. There they would play ball with them, throwing a soft cloth ball to each one of them in turn, making them do some simple exercises etc. This was the time the care-givers would relax and let go and horse around, play around and have some fun. They would go around pepping the old folks, giving them hugs, pulling their cheeks, noses just the way kids would do to their grand parents at home and sway to the music pouring out of a music system.

Even so, there were days when Disha would feel like she was missing a normal life – the life a normal 25 year old would love to lead. Well, she needed some time off from the home to really think this matter over.

The train soon arrived at Trichur station. Disha got off and found her aunt and cousin waiting for her.

“How are you dear? It is so long since we saw you. You have lost so much of weight since I last saw you”.

“No, appachi, I am just the same. You are looking good. And how are you doing Cheta?”

George just patted her on her back and gave her a smile.

Disha spent 3 quiet days in Trichur in her appachi's home. They had done everything to make her comfortable and had studiedly tried to avoid talking to her about her past or her disastrous marriage.

The return journey to Bangalore had been by A/C bus and Disha had slept almost throughout the journey. The way back to the home from the main bus station was an hour long ride by bus. It was 6 pm and there were innumerable traffic jams caused by the rush of office goers returning home.

As soon as she entered the building, Disha bumped into a couple of her co-workers.

“Hey Disha, how are you? How was your holiday”?

“Lucky gal. It's ages since I had a break. We really missed you here”.

Disha just smiled at them and replied “Oh, had a swell time. It was so good to get away from this crazy city life, back to a quiet life even if it was only for 3 days and oh it was such a treat to see the greenery in Kerala. God knows how much I miss it here. Yes Megha, it's really high time you took off for at least a couple of days”.

Saying that she went to the 4 bedder room which was entrusted to her care. As she entered she saw the first one – Shanti Rangarajan, an 84 year old who had been admitted just a couple of months ago. This lady was a case of Alzheimer's and was in bad state when she had first come in. (Most of the people coming in were in much the same state when they got admitted). She had, however, made good progress and was doing a lot better. She was inclined to be quiet and did not talk much. She looked up as Disha entered the room, beamed from ear to ear and reached out to her and kept touching her as if to make sure it was really she. After a while Disha went to check out the next patient. When she had checked all her regular wards, she went upstairs to check out Elsie, an elderly lady who had been paralysed after a hip surgery and who could not speak or walk or do anything any more. There she was on a wheel chair. She caught a glimpse of Disha. She did not react, but pushed aside another care-giver who was standing in the way and kept staring at Disha. Disha went up to her and gave her a hug.

“How are you Elsie”?

Elsie opened her mouth and with great difficulty tried to enunciate “I am alright”. There was a tear at the edge of her eye.

There were tears in Disha's eyes too. She had come home. This was her home. This was her family. This was where she was comfortable. This was not just a job or a profession for her. It was her life, it was her calling and she would never ever consider quitting it for anything else. These elderly people loved her and needed her and she loved them just as much. No other job could give her the satisfaction that this job did. These were the moments that made all the hard work worth the while. These were the moments that were more rewarding than all the money that she could ever earn for her work.

Ungrateful Kids Put Their Parents In Old Age Homes?

"How can you even think of putting your parents into an old age home?  How much they sacrificed for you when you were young!  How hard they worked to bring you up and to make you what you are today"!

Sounds familiar?  The rants about young people not having time for the old, turning very self-centred, selfish and callous?  About how the thoughtless aping of Western culture has taken over our society?

Well, think of this.  What I am going to say now may not exactly win a popularity contest.  But I can say hand on my heart, that while I am still struggling to come to terms with the inevitability of having to eventually move my mother to a place for assisted living (yes, this is where there is a gap between theory and practice and I belong to that generation stuck hopelessly between two totally differing sets of ideologies and don't find it easy), I can see how illogical the above accusations are.

Consider how old we are when we bring our children into this world (or how old our parents were when they brought us into this world).  Probably in our 20s or early 30s.  What were our energy levels then?  I am sure parents who had kids in their 30s would say that it was tougher for them than when they brought up their first kid who was born when they were in their 20s.  Contrast this with our age when we have to take care of our parents who are in their late 70s or 80s.  Probably 50+.  Very likely we have health issues of our own.  Our own nestlings have flown the nest and we are struggling to cope with our own challenges.

We invested a lot - mentally, physically, emotionally as well as financially when we brought up our children.  Leave aside the expectations (which may now have been belied) that our kids would be around for us, each day they did something silly like plastering their faces with food, throwing things around, taking off their clothes at the check out counter in the supermarket would either make us laugh or at worst cause us mild embarassment over which we could laugh later on.  There was a joy in seeing them grow, in seeing the learning process, the development.  It was a rewarding job.  Fast forward to the care we give our parents.  Start from the size - no matter how frail they be.  Managing their diapers is the very first comparison.  Obviously it is not going to be the same.  You can't carry them around and get about your business.  (Not everyone can afford domestic help or has a home big enough to accommodate one).  They don't gurgle and coo at you.  Often one is faced with hostile ingratitude. 

You cannot take your bed ridden parents out and carry on with your normal life, let alone show them off like you did your babies.  The challenges faced by the caretaker are immense and life comes to a grinding halt, making one sometimes wonder what one is doing.  Put your parents in an OAH and get about your normal life, there will be those inevitable moments of guilt at what you have done.

So just quit trying to compare what your parents did for you and even wanting to pay back.  Firstly, you cannot repay them for whatever they did for you.  Secondly, IT JUST IS NOT THE SAME.  Lastly, even if it sounds very ungrateful, insensitive, or whatever you would like to call it, when children arrive into this world, it is out of the parents own choice.  It is their pleasure to bring them up.  Having brought them into this world, it is their responsibility and duty to bring them up.  So while one would always hope that the children would be around for the parents when they need them, one cannot DEMAND or EXPECT a quid pro quo from them. 

Homes for the Aged?

"Excuse me, I am looking for a place for my mother.  She is 84 and unfortunately we are unable to look after her at home.  We are looking for a place close to home, where we can visit her often".

"Does she have any health conditions?  Does she suffer from BP or diabetes"?

"She has dementia and is on medication.  She is not disruptive.  She is bed ridden and incontinent.  We have space constraints and hence unable to provide home nursing for her.  That is why we need a place where she can get in-house nursing care".

"Sorry, we do not take bed ridden patients.  Besides if your mother is on medications we cannot take her.  All our other inmates are normal".

This is the conversation I have with a reputed home for the aged.  The same is repeated with an ashram.  Another is willing to take her but will not allow us to visit her for more than 5 minutes.

I have a couple of questions.  

• We do not want to dump my mother somewhere.  We just want assistance in looking after her.  We want to visit her and spend time with her every day.  Why would we agree to look her up for an obligatory 5 minutes once in a while?

• Why would we want their help if she was able to do these things herself?  Would we not keep her at home?  Besides as far as I know, most old people have some problem or the other - mental or physical - if not now, somewhere down the line.  Very few old people are fortunate enough to die with their jogging shoes on.  So what do they do with their "normal" inmates when they are sick?  Throw them out on the streets?  Or send them off to hospitals?  Even hospitals would not keep patients for longer than a minimum period.  They need their beds.  They need more patients.  They need a cash inflow.  Besides there is a genuine shortage of beds in hospitals.  So will they send them back to their homes?  Will the people who sent their "normal" elderly people off to homes take them back when they are very sick and bed ridden?

• What age is the "right old age" to enter an old age home?  50?  No, too young.  You should be working.  55?  Not yet.  (The typical "too old for pigtails, too young for cocktails syndrome".)  60?  Yes.  But are you "normal" at 60?  Maybe, maybe not.  What if you are not?  Well, too bad.  You did not get the chance to benefit from the services of an old age home.  

So where do the old people go once they are bed ridden (not that the can "go" anywhere - sorry for the bad joke).  Insurance?  Well, upto a limit.  What of expenses beyond that?  God help us then.  I wonder if even He can help us.  And what of those who can't afford even insurance?  Well, we are supposed to be a socialistic state are we not?  So where is the social security?  Well, that is just it.  That is what we are "supposed" to be, but we are not.  We are a wolf in lamb's clothing er.... a capitalistic society pretending to be socialitsic.  

So then what do we do?  Euthanasia?  No sir/madam.  Illegal.  Suicide?  Criminal offence.  You will be persecuted, sorry prosecuted if you fail to execute (pun unintended) your crime successfully.  Not that they will execute you.  They will just make your life a lot more miserable than it originally was, in order to show you what misery really means, so that you realize that you were not really all that miserable at that point of time when you tried to eliminate your miseries by eliminating yourself.  May be life on the street was quite tolerable compared to life in jail.  

"A Puppet's Life Ends On A String"

So read the headline in the Times of India dated 22nd November 2012.  The news brought a sense of closure to a lot of families whose near and dear ones who had been brutally slain by terrorists on the 26th of November 2008.  

The high drama that had ensued following the taking over of the Taj hotel and a few other buildings in Mumbai had been beamed live across the world by various Indian television channels.  The world had watched the action with bated breath.  One terrorist had been arrested and put to trial.

The trial of the young man had not been any less dramatic.  There was so much irony about the whole situation.  A lot of "evidence" was "examined" despite the fact that he had been seen by billions on television as he went about on a shooting spree.  He was kept in prison under high security - for what purpose, God knows - to prevent him from running away?  Could he have run away?  Would the public have let him take two steps without lynching him and tearing him to pieces?  Security to protect him from the public?  Despite the fact that he had butchered so many people so mercilessly?  And seemed so unrepentant about it?  Despite the fact that the only obvious outcome would be for him to be hanged?

Would any other country for whose cause he was acting have given as fair a trial to an Indian who would have conducted himself in a similar manner on their soil?  He would have been stoned, publicly beheaded, flogged or subjected to any other form of punishment that does not bear thinking of.

Yet our country thought it fit to provide him with a lawyer to fight his case, and if the press be believed five star treatment in jail.  So it was the tax payers' money which was spent to keep a man who killed so many of us alive all these days.  To quote a cliche, this happens only in India.

Having said all of which, there was a sense of deep sadness when one read the news.  Here was a young lad, the son of an impoverished family.  A young boy who had been misled into believing he was doing his country a favour.  A country who did not respond to his plea for a lawyer to fight his case when he was arrested ..... a country which did not respond to the notification about his execution ..... a country which did not claim his body.  His last wish was to meet his family.  A wish which was not fulfilled.  According to the papers his last words were "Allah kasam maaf karna, aisi galti dobara nahi hogi".   What a waste of a young life.  What was the use of such a late repentance and realization that it was a "galti" of a gargantuan proportion?

Maybe this will act as a lesson to other youth going his way ..... a lesson that there is no glory in this kind of death, a lesson that the people for whom you think you are laying down your life do not even acknowledge you once you are trapped, a lesson that not even your family acknowledges you later on.  Or will it?

To Live or ..... - That Is the Question

Life has its strange twists and turns.  Take for instance the fact that I went to get my mother who suffers from dementia to stay with me.  She had been with my sister for a year and I thought it was only fair that I take charge now.  My sister is now a senior citizen herself and has grapples with health issues of her own.  It did not seem far fetched to think that a day would come when she would be forced to send mom to an institution.  This was something I could not bear to think of.

It was precisely to avoid this situation I brought her along with me.  I was really happy to see the change doing her some good - till the 4th day with me.  On that fateful evening I took her for a walk and despite my holding her hand, she tripped and fell, breaking the head of her femur.

What followed was no less than a nightmare.  A hemi-arthroplasty (surgical replacement of the ball of the femur) followed.  She came out of the ICU disoriented, got a urinary tract infection, blood infection, a fever of 105 degrees Celsius, bed sores, her dementia worsened tremendously and she became totally bed ridden.  She needs at least two nurses at a time to turn her over, bathe her, clean her ..... which makes it logistically difficult to keep her at home with professional help.  So I have now ended up in a situation which I wanted to avoid in the first place - having to send her to an institution.

Leaving aside the pros and cons of institutionalization, old age homes etc., I was thinking about her situation and that of many others in our country.  She has two daughters.  My dad was in government service which meant he had access to the central government health scheme.  This makes all the difference when a situation like hospitalization arises.  What do people like us who have no such facility do?  Yes, we do have medical insurance right now.  What happens when we eventually stop earning and can't pay our premiums?  What happens in the event of long drawn out hospitalizations, even if we pay our premiums? What happens when we have no one to do the running around for us?  Can we afford to go to an old age home or to an institution?  OK, may be we can find ourselves a place in a retirement home.  But can everyone afford that?  There are many in this country who live on the brink of existence, lead a hand to mouth existence.  What are they to do, where are they to go?

I don't want to sound morbid, but I cannot help think ..... what happens to the billions of people in this country who are in situations worse than us?  Do we all commit suicide?  We already have farmers committing suicide, unable to pay back their debts, we have students buckling under pressure committing suicide, we have khaps killing young people who decide they want to spend their lives with each other, we have desperate young women who are tortured by husbands and in-laws committing suicide, ......  Is this lack of care in old age and illness going to be one more reason to be added to the list in times to come?  Is it time the government decriminalized suicide?  Or is it high time they did something for people to encourage them to live?

A Getaway To An Unusual Destination In Search Of Inner Peace

Life was getting too monotonous and I was craving a change.  A break was in order and I needed to head out to some destination where I could snatch a few days of peace and tranquility.  While a beach, a historical place, temples or a holiday resort would seem to be the obvious choices, that was not what I wanted.  I seriously wanted to get away from everyone and everything to some place that could calm me down and let me be just by myself and with myself.  A degree of solitude was what I craved.

Although the banks of the Ganga would be a good spot to do "Hari Hari" (chanting the Lord's name), it did not appear to me that I would get much quiet or peace there.  So I decided that I wanted to get away to some ashram where I could do all of the above.  The first choice was the Chinmaya Vibhooti ashram (an ashram of the Chinmaya Mission) located in the Western Ghats in a place called Kolvan (Mulshi district, Pune).  It is about an hour away from Pune by car.  I was anyway planning to visit Pune and this was such a convenient option.

Add to that they were organizing a 5-day Meditation camp beginning on the 4th of September.  Since I love meditating, have already been introduced to the kind of activities and talks at the Chinmaya Mission, I decided to take this on.  This, however, was the first time I would do anything like staying 5 days in an Ashram.  

With many apprehensions (who does not have them when one embarks on something entirely new?) and some excitement I set off to the Ashram on the evening of the 4th.  It was a cool, cloudy day and the drive was absolutely heavenly.  The hills were lush after the recent rains.  I stopped en route for a few pictures.  Not having ever been in this direction, the cab driver stopped a couple of times to ask for directions and to confirm we were headed in the right direction.  The last bit of road was more than a bit "hol(e)y" but we got there with no major problems and in time for the registrations.

Enroute to Kolvan

Chinmaya Vibhooti - A front view

The programme of the day was to start off with Swami Swatmananda's introductory lecture.  However, he was stuck with some programme at Mumbai at the Sandeepani ashram.  So we were shown a video recording of a lecture by Swami Chinmayananda on Chapter VI of the Bhagavad Geeta which he had given in the U.S.  It felt so good to hear his talk after so long.  It was his lectures that drew me towards spirituality.  It was a very nostalgic evening and I could not have asked for anything more on my birthday.  This is something that will stay with me for life.

The next few days were spent practising meditation, listening to lectures on Chapter VI of the Bhagavad Gita and practise of Sadhanas (spiritual disciplines) in daily life, practising solitude, using every spare moment to take pictures of various birds that I saw (some of them for the very first time).  It was also an opportunity to meet many new people and make some new acquaintances and friends.  In short, it was an idyllic 5 days that I got to spend in the lap of Nature.  

Here are some pictures of the place that I would like to share with you.

Chinmaya Maruti Mandir - A front view

Chinmaya Maruti Mandir

View of Chinmaya Vibhooti on the banks of the Walki river

A path leading from the ashram to the river

A view of the central square of the ashram

Ganesha Mandir

View of the mountains covered in clouds from the Ganesha Mandir

It couldn't get more peaceful

The river Walki

Mountains in the mist

As you can see, it could not possibly get more peaceful and tranquiller than this.  This was the perfect antidote to the bustle of daily life, the stresses and strains of routine life.  The fresh air, cool , lush surroundings, the pure and pristine atmosphere were all sufficient to bring a semblance of one's real self to oneself.  I always maintain that being with Nature, observing and appreciating all that has been put here by the Creator for our benefit is the best worship we can render unto Him.

Why, oh why?

You don't want to live you say
You wish you were never born
Why do you have to live, grow old
Go through all these ups and downs

I wish I had answers to these my friend
I wish I only knew
If only it were in our hands
To decide what we wanted to do

I could talk to you of Karma
I could talk to you of souls
Of rebirths and reincarnations
Of we being part of that whole

All I can say to you my dear
Is I know I am here today
I know I may have to be here for long
Before I go another way

It helps me not to groan and moan
And make my life a pain
For kith and kin and friends and self
T'will all be but in vain

I need to live with myself
Before others can live with me
Tell me my friend how I could ever do that
If I just couldn't love me

That is why my dear
I need to laugh through joys and pain
Through clouds, through rain, through sunshine
Through losses or through gain

Let me bring joy to others
Let me laugh through joys or tears
Let me bring joy unto myself
And dispel my irrational fears

For yesterday is dead
Tomorrow is yet to be
Today is all that I have
With that let me happy be

The Krishna Key

Yadaa yadaa hi dharmasya

Glaanirbhavati Bharata

Abhyutthanam adharmasya

Tadaatmanam srujyamyaham

Oh son of Bharata (Arjuna), whenever righteousness is threatened and whenever unrighteousness is rife, I shall reincarnate in this world.

Paritranaya saadhoonam

Vinaashaayacha dushkrutaam

Dharmasansthaapanaarthaaya

Sambhavaami yuge yuge

I shall keep incarnating in every age (yuga after yuga) in order to protect the sadhoos (the good), to destroy the evil doers and in order to re-establish the order of righteousness (dharma).

That was the promise Krishna had made to humanity through his discourse to Arjuna on the battlefield of Kurukshetra - the discourse which makes up the subject of the Bhagawad Gita.

The Krishna Key - The title of this book by Ashwin Sanghi sounds very intriguing. It is all the more intriguing when you read the blurb which says it is the story of a young man who thinks he is the tenth avatar of Krishna - the Kalki avatar - only he is a serial murderer.

Open the book and you see a map of the kingdoms during the Mahabharat era. One of the features of the book is the rich illustrations throughout, keeping the reader's interest alive from the beginning to the end of the 464 pages.

Each chapter begins with a section of the story of Krishna, narrated in the words of Krishna, followed by the main story. The pace of the novel is extremely racy and makes for very exciting reading.

The sheer depth of research undertaken by Sanghi comes through as one reads on. The story takes us to Kalibangan and thereon to various parts of India in Gujarat, Rajasthan and North India on the trail of an ancient secret – Krishna's legacy.

It is fascinating to read about Krishna's Dwarka (then known as Dwarawati) which now lies under the sea off the coast of Gujarat and the Yadava clans who lived on the banks of the Saraswati. Sanghi comes up with very interesting theories about how these clans got scattered due to the drying up of the river, with some of them moving westwards towards Sumeria (modern day Iraq) and the rest towards Vrindavan and Mathura. If one were to believe his theory, many of the cultures in what was considered to be Sumerian civilization originated from Dwarka and the Sumerians and subsequent civilizations in the area were actually descendents of the Yadava clans. Hmm..... far-fetched may be, but no doubt interesting and not totally unbelievable, given the way he has presented it. (Of course, he has clearly made a disclaimer at the beginning stating that "no claim regarding historical accuracy is made expressly or implied"). It is equally mind boggling to see how he puts together different aspects of our Vedic culture like Vedic Mathematics, the emphasis on certain numbers which are considered to be auspicious such as the number 9, the numbers 18, 108, 1008, 10008, the concept of pyramids and their properties of concentrating energy, the six pointed stars, ..... you name it and it is there. What is even more amazing is the sheer logic which makes everything appear so plausible.

The plot of the thriller is merely a framework to present this very gripping perspective on our Vedic sciences and times. Could you ever imagine that the Atlantis could be Dwarka? Well, why not, if you accept the author's line of thinking? Can you accept that Mount Kailash is an alchemist's pyramid? Is there any way you can connect Mount Kailash, Dwarka, Mathura, Vrindavan, Somnath, the Taj Mahal, Lord Shiva, Lord Vishnu and the Mughals?????? Well read the book to find out.

As for the plot of the story, it is very entertaining and fast paced with surprising twists and turns.

Occasionally one does find certain parts slightly repetitive and there are a few places where proofing has been faulty. However, these faults have been rectified (http://www.ashwinsanghi.com/p/typos-in-1st-print-run-of-krishna-key.html) in the website of the author http://www.ashwinsanghi.com/ .

http://www.ashwinsanghi.com/2012/06/krishna-key-video-trailer_26.html

Definitely in the "must read" category.  This can be described as the Indian search for our version of the holy grail.

This review is a part of the http://blog.blogadda.com/2011/05/04/indian-bloggers-book-reviews at http://www.blogadda.com/ . Participate now to get free books!