My upbringing has never allowed me to put up any face other than a stoic one, no matter what the circumstances. Besides, my own pride does not allow me to be otherwise (except when I underwent a surgery as a child and literally ran away from the hospital to be caught and delivered back to the docs). The years have also brought a tremendous degree of acceptance and courage to face life as it comes. I have developed a stiff upper lip over the years. The knowledge that there is someone with me all the time looking after me – be it God, my guardian angel, my father who I firmly believe is always with me (more than he could be if he was in the physical form) has given me immense strength to walk in and out of Operation Theatres as if I had gone in to pass the time of day.
It was slightly different this time round. There were innate doubts about whether the decision to undergo surgery was the right one. There was no one statement on outcome. Whether it be taking opinions from more than one doctor, or talking to people who knew people who had undergone this surgry or watching fusion diaries on Youtube or reports of friends who had undergone the surgery, the outcomes were very varied. But then sometimes life gives one very little choice – you either choose the devil or the deep sea. And when being with the devil gets you nowhere, you have to per force opt to jump into the deep sea and check out what is there. So I chose to undergo the surgery. There was basically no other choice. But getting mentally prepared for it took some time. Maybe that is why I was forced by “Circumstances” to postpone it twice after the dates were finalized. I came to a point where the pain was unendurable and I was finally ready (or should I say desperately keen) to take the plunge and see where it led me. Mental preparation came automatically with that.
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