Learning to Accept

I don’t know. I still don’t know. Damn ‘know’. I still do not understand ….. calculus and coordinate geometry ….. and physics which insist you should understand the first two if you have to understand the formulae. These are just a few of those many things I never understood. I suffered them till Std. XII ….. and how!

Swimming was something I did not know. My teenage Victorian morals would not allow me to get into the pool in a swimsuit ….. until my nephew learnt to swim. How could I not know how to swim?! Damn morals. I donned on the swimsuit, got into the pool, learned to swim, almost drowned, was rescued (blame the person who saved me – one of the purposes of his life was to ensure that you have to read this. Of course he would not be aware of this purpose of his existence) and now I know how to swim. But since there is no warm water pool in my vicinity and my old bones cannot endure the cold water, I still ‘can’t’ swim. I did not accept the first ‘cannot’. The second I am forced to accept.

Coming back to calculus and coordinate geometry ….. I did not want to come back to this dimension just in order to master this. Not a good idea to go with unfulfilled dreams and wishes. So it was that I joined a well reputed online class and tried to learn it. Found it got stuck at one point and never even started teaching me what I wanted to learn. Eventually I gave up on it. Till I HAD to accept that it was not my cuppa tea (no, not even my filter kapi). I have made my peace with the fact. The youngsters in the family mastered the subjects, but not I. I am probably dumb. It is ok. What would the world be without dumb people? Whom would the smarties compare themselves with? To be smart, there has to be the duality – smart and stupid. I have found my purpose in life ..... to give others an objective comparison point to establish their identity. I accept my purpose and my limitations. I live a perfectly contented and fulfilled life even without knowing calculus or coordinate geometry. Am perfectly happy to leave those rarified higher realms of knowledge to the smarter ones. Let them create technology. I shall happily use them!

I Shall Overcome Some Day!

Pain can do strange things to people. They laugh at it, cry over it, grump, grouch, whine ….. Well, having done all of the above, I finally decided to try out a technique I heard of a while ago, but was quite sceptical of. It is something that cannot harm me and best of all, maybe it might just help. It is called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and involves tapping on various points on the body where the energy meridians run. I am absolutely open to trying out anything that might help. If it does not, doesn’t matter. So many things did not work out in the past.

So this journey started out about 6 months ago. One of the nicest things about it is that I have become part of a very nice, supportive virtual community where we tap on various issues – physical and emotional including day to day emotions such as anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, dealing with grief/loss ….

During sessions and chats with a couple of friends on this group, there have been many realizations which I hope will help me in my journey.

1. Pain: It is important how we learn to see pain. Treat it as something to be dealt with in the moment – not as a continuous state of existence.

2. Be ‘nice’ and ‘help’ people. Sure. But certainly not to a point where you are being walked on and feel bereft of any self-respect. Allow people to do things for themselves. It is alright to say “No”. There is no need for guilt over that. It is probably good for them too. They might not feel good being dependent on someone all the time and might enjoy the sense of independence and empowerment.

3. The additional advantage of #2 is the positive effect on ourselves. When one bends backwards to be nice to others, knowingly or unknowingly one tends to have expectations of reciprocation from the other side when needed. This frequently leads to disappointments. Don’t bend backwards. It certainly is not good for your back!!! Literally and figuratively . Do whatever you can comfortably do and those expectations would disappear. None of the “If I can do this, why can’t they?”

4. Keep the child in you alive. They are great fun to be with.

5. Most importantly learn to “love and accept yourself completely and unconditionally” and you will be a happier person. It takes time to come to that point experientially even if one has heard or known of it all the time.

So 5 important realizations for 6 months – not a bad deal, eh?

Am seriously glad to have gone down this path. Has it given me freedom from my pain? Not fully, not yet. There are good days and there are bad days. But I certainly live on hope and won’t give up. It is a process and who knows how long it will take me … but I will surely get there. I SHALL OVERCOME SOME DAY! Looking forward to more adventure sports.

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3Chithra Viswanathan and 2 others

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