The Strategem

Last night I had a dream. I had a twin sister and both of us were very good cooks as well as qualified nutritionists.

We both had impeccable professional reputations.

One day, we were approached by a very large hospital and were offered jobs with a huge annual income. The only condition was that we should make sure we helped the hospital get a good reputation and everyone went away happy. We both, being professionals to the core, took those instructions to heart.

As it happened, I was put in charge of the canteen and my twin in charge of the dietary section for the patients.

Knowing how fond most Indians are of oily, spicy food, I started serving all varieties of fried stuff, food rich in fats (cooked in dalda mostly) and made sure all the dishes I served had at least half an inch of oil on them. After all both my reputation as well as the hospital's were at stake and consequently so was my job. People came, ate well, appreciated the fare and left contented. Not that they had much of choice. Outside food was not allowed inside the hospital and these people had no other choice. They were after all the patients' relatives and had to be with them. Not that they were complaining. The food was pretty enticing after all.

Many of these people soon enough felt pretty ill, eating as much as they did. Some of them were tempted enough to ignore their health problems and dietary restrictions.

No surprise then, that they soon enough landed up in the same hospital as patients. And this was where my twin came into the picture. I had done my duty by pleasing people's palates as well as by giving the hospital good business.

Now my twin being very conscientious made sure she gave these patients the healthiest, blandest and "tastelessest" (please forgive me for coining new words, but the existing words in the Oxford dictionary just do not serve the purpose of accurate description) food imaginable.

It did the patients a lot of good. It motivated them to get well as soon as possible so that they could flee the hospital at the earliest, thus freeing the beds for the next stream of patients who had been created in the hospital canteen. So the business turnover for the hospital was phenomenal, the doctors were making a fast buck and their reputations preceded them everywhere. At the end of the day, it was a win-win situation for all concerned.

And the cycle continued, until one day the hospital hosted a special function in honour of me and my twin sis (the food for which was of course catered by me - the hospital is certainly very business savvy)!!!!!

I woke up wondering how I had conjured up such a weird dream. Then I remembered my visit in the evening to a hospital canteen and the story of a patient who had eaten the offerings of the dietary department there. :-)