Learning to Accept

I don’t know. I still don’t know. Damn ‘know’. I still do not understand ….. calculus and coordinate geometry ….. and physics which insist you should understand the first two if you have to understand the formulae. These are just a few of those many things I never understood. I suffered them till Std. XII ….. and how!

Swimming was something I did not know. My teenage Victorian morals would not allow me to get into the pool in a swimsuit ….. until my nephew learnt to swim. How could I not know how to swim?! Damn morals. I donned on the swimsuit, got into the pool, learned to swim, almost drowned, was rescued (blame the person who saved me – one of the purposes of his life was to ensure that you have to read this. Of course he would not be aware of this purpose of his existence) and now I know how to swim. But since there is no warm water pool in my vicinity and my old bones cannot endure the cold water, I still ‘can’t’ swim. I did not accept the first ‘cannot’. The second I am forced to accept.

Coming back to calculus and coordinate geometry ….. I did not want to come back to this dimension just in order to master this. Not a good idea to go with unfulfilled dreams and wishes. So it was that I joined a well reputed online class and tried to learn it. Found it got stuck at one point and never even started teaching me what I wanted to learn. Eventually I gave up on it. Till I HAD to accept that it was not my cuppa tea (no, not even my filter kapi). I have made my peace with the fact. The youngsters in the family mastered the subjects, but not I. I am probably dumb. It is ok. What would the world be without dumb people? Whom would the smarties compare themselves with? To be smart, there has to be the duality – smart and stupid. I have found my purpose in life ..... to give others an objective comparison point to establish their identity. I accept my purpose and my limitations. I live a perfectly contented and fulfilled life even without knowing calculus or coordinate geometry. Am perfectly happy to leave those rarified higher realms of knowledge to the smarter ones. Let them create technology. I shall happily use them!

I Shall Overcome Some Day!

Pain can do strange things to people. They laugh at it, cry over it, grump, grouch, whine ….. Well, having done all of the above, I finally decided to try out a technique I heard of a while ago, but was quite sceptical of. It is something that cannot harm me and best of all, maybe it might just help. It is called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and involves tapping on various points on the body where the energy meridians run. I am absolutely open to trying out anything that might help. If it does not, doesn’t matter. So many things did not work out in the past.

So this journey started out about 6 months ago. One of the nicest things about it is that I have become part of a very nice, supportive virtual community where we tap on various issues – physical and emotional including day to day emotions such as anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, dealing with grief/loss ….

During sessions and chats with a couple of friends on this group, there have been many realizations which I hope will help me in my journey.

1. Pain: It is important how we learn to see pain. Treat it as something to be dealt with in the moment – not as a continuous state of existence.

2. Be ‘nice’ and ‘help’ people. Sure. But certainly not to a point where you are being walked on and feel bereft of any self-respect. Allow people to do things for themselves. It is alright to say “No”. There is no need for guilt over that. It is probably good for them too. They might not feel good being dependent on someone all the time and might enjoy the sense of independence and empowerment.

3. The additional advantage of #2 is the positive effect on ourselves. When one bends backwards to be nice to others, knowingly or unknowingly one tends to have expectations of reciprocation from the other side when needed. This frequently leads to disappointments. Don’t bend backwards. It certainly is not good for your back!!! Literally and figuratively . Do whatever you can comfortably do and those expectations would disappear. None of the “If I can do this, why can’t they?”

4. Keep the child in you alive. They are great fun to be with.

5. Most importantly learn to “love and accept yourself completely and unconditionally” and you will be a happier person. It takes time to come to that point experientially even if one has heard or known of it all the time.

So 5 important realizations for 6 months – not a bad deal, eh?

Am seriously glad to have gone down this path. Has it given me freedom from my pain? Not fully, not yet. There are good days and there are bad days. But I certainly live on hope and won’t give up. It is a process and who knows how long it will take me … but I will surely get there. I SHALL OVERCOME SOME DAY! Looking forward to more adventure sports.

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3Chithra Viswanathan and 2 others

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Enjoy Yourself While You're Still In The Pink .....

Received a forward this morning from a very dear friend, an elderly lady whom I met for the first time on this site. It is a poem by Mario de Andrade (San Paolo 1893-1945) poet, novelist, essayist and musicologist called "My soul has a hat".

It just reminded me again about how fleeting time is and how our perspectives change with the passing years. Not that one has not realized it earlier, but reading something like this just reinforces the feeling.

Not long ago (or so it seems to me, when I think of events - it is a different story when numbers give the same time period a different perspective) I used to be 'young,' though, believe me, I felt 'old' then. I used to complain endlessly about being bored, used to count the number of years left and they felt like a burden on my then 'young' shoulders. I did not particularly enjoy what I did - going to school, college, doing what I was told to, worrying about my future ..... The world seemed to be such a dark place. It seems like yesterday.

A few decades down the line, I spend my time in my room, "doing nothing" some might say and as I myself suspect every now and then, but it seems like 24 hours are not enough to do everything I'd like to do. Maybe I get that feeling, because there are so many more things I would like to do in addition to whatever it is that I do, plan to do or decide to do but then don't do. Sleep which then was a welcome escape seems today to be nothing but an interruption in my scheme of things, something I guess like it is to all babies who have so much to discover in life. And the time between the aforementioned 'then' and 'today' or lesser is all that I have left on this planet (at least till the curtains go up again for yet another show, though I shall be quite contented to let the curtains go down and let it rest at that). And then I realize that that seemingly long (in arithmetic terms) chunk of time flew off before I knew what was happening and before I realized it, I am sitting here and pontificating on time and life. All that happened in between is still a blur.

It is overwhelming to think of all that has to be done during that time. Well let me think: Clearing up my home would be a wonderful starting point. Downsizing (physical self as well as belongings) would be be essential to accomplish the first point. Loads to be done in terms of expansion of the intellectual sheaths. Lessons in patience, letting go and anger control to be learned. Travel before it is too late - can't say "while I'm still in my pink", I suppose 'coz it is already "later than I think". Though I might possibly just be a wee bit pinker than I ever will be. Be of some use to the world, so people can think of me fondly when I am no longer here. That is already a looooooong enough list to be accomplished in the short time left to me.

Any regrets in life? No big ones. Just that I wish that the younger I could have "understood" in the truest sense of the word how transient and fleeting life and time is and that the opportunities available to young people have today were available to us then. Maybe I could have achieved something more significant in life.

And what about lessons .....? Well, looking at how awfully polarised and dark the times are today, maybe now the past does not seem so dark. No use, though, thinking of the past. So live in the here and now is the biggest lessons of this lifetime.

The Ballad of Father Gilligan

I love old poems.  I love nursery rhymes.  I dance to them when making my early morning coffee.  Not seldom, some random words from some poem pop into my mind or they might do so in some particular context.

Today the following two lines popped up in a different context and I wanted to check if I could quote them in that context.  So went to 'Uncle Google' to ask him.  The lines were "God had pity on the least of things  Asleep upon a chair".

It threw up the following poem.

The Ballad of Father Gilligan

By William Butler Yeats

THE old priest, Peter Gilligan, Was weary night and day; For half his flock were in their beds, Or under green sods lay.   Once, while he nodded on a chair,         5 At the moth-hour of eve, Another poor man sent for him, And he began to grieve.   “I have no rest, nor joy, nor peace, For people die and die”;         10 And after cried he, “God forgive! My body spake, not I!”   He knelt, and leaning on the chair He prayed and fell asleep, And the moth-hour went from the fields,         15 And stars began to peep.   They slowly into millions grew, And leaves shook in the wind, And God covered the world with shade, And whispered to mankind.         20   Upon the time of sparrow chirp When the moths come once more, The old priest, Peter Gilligan, Stood upright on the floor.   “Mavrone, mavrone! the man has died,         25 While I slept on the chair.” He roused his horse out of its sleep, And rode with little care.   He rode now as he never rode, By rocky lane and fen;         30 The sick man’s wife opened the door: “Father! you come again.”   “And is the poor man dead?” he cried. “He died an hour ago.” The old priest, Peter Gilligan,         35 In grief swayed to and fro.   “When you were gone, he turned and died As merry as a bird.” The old priest, Peter Gilligan, He knelt him at that word.         40   “He who hath made the night of stars For souls who tire and bleed, Sent one of His great angels down To help me in my need.   “He who is wrapped in purple robes,         45 With planets in His care, Had pity on the least of things Asleep upon a chair.”

What a ballad!  What a beautiful description of the evening turning to night and then to dawn!

"And God covered the world with shade,

And whispered to mankind." I could almost feel my mother's gentle touch on my tired brow, talking gently to me. This is the kind of poems that I really miss reading in modern times. That was not all.  I saw a video on FB after this, which showed a 97 year old mother going to visit her bed-ridden daughter who is 76 years old.  Could not help saying 'touch wood'.  Maybe mom was trying to send me messages from wherever she is today.

Rally for Rivers – Save India’s Lifelines

All it takes is a missed call.  Let's do our bit.

The Strategem

Last night I had a dream. I had a twin sister and both of us were very good cooks as well as qualified nutritionists.

We both had impeccable professional reputations.

One day, we were approached by a very large hospital and were offered jobs with a huge annual income. The only condition was that we should make sure we helped the hospital get a good reputation and everyone went away happy. We both, being professionals to the core, took those instructions to heart.

As it happened, I was put in charge of the canteen and my twin in charge of the dietary section for the patients.

Knowing how fond most Indians are of oily, spicy food, I started serving all varieties of fried stuff, food rich in fats (cooked in dalda mostly) and made sure all the dishes I served had at least half an inch of oil on them. After all both my reputation as well as the hospital's were at stake and consequently so was my job. People came, ate well, appreciated the fare and left contented. Not that they had much of choice. Outside food was not allowed inside the hospital and these people had no other choice. They were after all the patients' relatives and had to be with them. Not that they were complaining. The food was pretty enticing after all.

Many of these people soon enough felt pretty ill, eating as much as they did. Some of them were tempted enough to ignore their health problems and dietary restrictions.

No surprise then, that they soon enough landed up in the same hospital as patients. And this was where my twin came into the picture. I had done my duty by pleasing people's palates as well as by giving the hospital good business.

Now my twin being very conscientious made sure she gave these patients the healthiest, blandest and "tastelessest" (please forgive me for coining new words, but the existing words in the Oxford dictionary just do not serve the purpose of accurate description) food imaginable.

It did the patients a lot of good. It motivated them to get well as soon as possible so that they could flee the hospital at the earliest, thus freeing the beds for the next stream of patients who had been created in the hospital canteen. So the business turnover for the hospital was phenomenal, the doctors were making a fast buck and their reputations preceded them everywhere. At the end of the day, it was a win-win situation for all concerned.

And the cycle continued, until one day the hospital hosted a special function in honour of me and my twin sis (the food for which was of course catered by me - the hospital is certainly very business savvy)!!!!!

I woke up wondering how I had conjured up such a weird dream. Then I remembered my visit in the evening to a hospital canteen and the story of a patient who had eaten the offerings of the dietary department there. :-)

My Vegetable Garden

Check here for my posts on Composting

The composting is going fine and I have been very excited about starting up an organic vegetable garden in my balcony!  Very ambitious, what?!  Well, no harm in trying and there are so many folks who are growing veggies on their terraces.  Don't know how well they will grow, but am determined to try.

Here are some of the seeds which have sprouted.  Many have been savaged by squirrels and birds.  So trying out some stuff to keep them at bay as well.

 These bunchbeans were damaged due to severe rains and hailstones.  Attached scotchtape to them and decided to wait and watch.  They healed.

Here are buds appearing

 Brinjal seeds sprouted into saplings

Saplings transplanted

Bhindi sprouted in rind of sweet lime and planted rind et al

Bean plant savaged by squirrels

Saving the capsicum saplings from squirrels and birds

Desperate situations call for desperate measures - wooden barricade and chilli powder treatment 

Chow chow 

Roots of greens from a bought out bunch stuck into a pot growing

One more green grown the same way

Now keeping my fingers crossed and praying the plants grow well and that I get some good organic produce!

The Composting Story - Part 3

.....Continued from here

Around this time, I decided to repot my plants and give away the show plants (except some small ones) in order to make place for my vegetable garden.

While repotting, I found some earthworms in some of the pots!  I had never thought of vermicomposting.  That would be stretching my luck too far; but the sight of a few earthworms tempted me.  I just dumped a few of them into a bucket of maturing compost - I had no clue of how this was done.  Unfortunately, when sieving the compost, I found not a trace of earthworms.  The poor creatures had died - that was it!  I would not try vermicomposting again.  I did not want to kill more innocent creatures.

Somewhere at the back of my mind, however, a certain vermicomposting worm was chewing my brain.  I joined some forums on Facebook which talked of organic gardens, terrace gardens, home composting etc.  There I asked where I could procure some worms.  In the meanwhile, I saw a presentation by a lady by name Mrs. Vani Murthy, who gave detailed instructions about vermicomposting.  One of the members of that forum very kindly shared some worms with me.  I sneaked them into my balcony and started vermicomposting them in a bucket.  Although I did not have a bin with a dividing plate nor did my bucket have holes, I decided to monitor it very carefully.

What I have done is this:  Lined the bucket at the bottom with coconut coir, shredded newspaper and shredded cardboard which had been soaked in water and then squeezed out, so that they were wet but not soggy.  I added the worms with some of the compost in which they came.  Added a bit of my home compost too.  I tied the opening of the bucket with a dark bin bag with holes in it for air to enter.

Imagine my horror when after 4-5 days I found a few worms had crawled out and lay stiff on my balcony!  Wondered what had gone wrong.  Checking out the net gave me some comfort when I read that it was not uncommon in the adaptation period and that unless they all started crawling out or bunched up together, it was alright.

Gradually I have been adding some tomato pieces and the remains of musk melon to it.  Also adding maturing compost.  I am still to understand how much feeding constitutes overfeeding and how much underfeeding.  So in the meanwhile, I keep checking the bin and it is heartening to find some new additions to the family!

Vermicompost as it looks today (roughly a couple of weeks since I started).

 My Vegetable Garden

The Composting Story - Part 2

.....Continued from here

So it was that I contacted "Daily Dump" and after researching the internet, got them to deliver a 3 piece khamba and Remix.

3 tiered Khamba

A bag of remix (from website of Daily Dump)

The process is pretty simple.  Layer the bottom of the top compartment with a newspaper and some dry leaves.  Put a layer of kitchen waste into it.  Too acidic foods such as lemon peels, pickles etc are avoided so that the compost does not turn too acidic.  Layer the waste with a few fistfuls of remix (a mixture of bacteria and cocopeat) or alternatively with dried leaves or sawdust.  This will ensure that your compost is not excessively wet.  Alternatively add layers of waste and remix/sawdust/leaves until the top compartment is full.  Once it is full, transfer the middle container to the top and the top one to the middle and continue the process.  Once both compartments are full, empty the contents of the middle compartment (the first compartment which was full) into the bottom compartment for maturing.  Before that line the bottom compartment with 3-4 inches of dry leaves at the bottom. Move the full compartment to the middle and the now empty one back to the top.  The process is repeated.

If you generate a lot of compost, you can use a bigger khamba or get a big leave it pot, which is what I have done.  Mixing a teaspoon of sour yoghurt into the compost is a good practice.  The compost needs to be aerated by frequent stirring.  I generated almost 3-4 kgs of ready to use compost within 2 months of starting composting.  (I started in the last week of February and by mid April, I had sieved my compost and stored it in a plastic bag).   

My first lot of home compost

The sieved remains from the compost

The sieved remains from the compost get added back to the bin for complete decomposition.  

Some interesting stuff happened along the way.  I had discarded some date seeds into the compost bin and guess what happened!

They sprouted in the compost.  So i decided to try getting them to grow.  No, I cannot grow a date palm in my balcony and I am sure it is not going to yield dates in the Bangalore weather, but I thought it would be nice to give it to the association to grow just as a show plant in the central garden.  So I put a few of them into a grow bag.

Day 1 after planting

A month after sowing in soil.

Time I guess, to hand them over to be planted in the ground!  If they survive, wonderful.  If they don't, well, I haven't lost anything.  A learning experience that.

I did have issues (won't say major ones) with fruit flies after the rains and I panicked.  Though I know that a certain number of maggots are certainly good for composting, there would be furore in the house (as if there had not been enough already), since the balcony is right next to the bedroom.  In order to ensure hassle free composting, I kept using Agnihastra and neem oil periodically to keep the population of maggots down. It certainly worked like a charm.  Also smeared the lips of the compartments with neem oil.

Now the compost was ready to use. 

......to be continued here

 

 

The Composting Story - Part 1

It has been a very long time since I posted here.  Oh well!  Life takes various twists and turns, sometimes real life intrudes into one's virtual presence.  Some of that is pleasant, other stuff not so welcome.  What I am going to talk about here is about some exciting times I have been having over the past few months.  

My hobbies keep changing with the season.  The flavour of the season around the end of last year was bird watching.  Suddenly, a trip to Goa added one more flavour.  No not feni, nor vindaloo.  It was this sudden craze for composting.  Have been thinking of it for a while and also been practising it in some rudimentary form till now.

This is how I used to do it before.  I used to mash up all the kitchen waste in a blender and add it to the wash water from my RO filter and water all my plants with the mix.  Though of late folks have been telling me that RO water is not good for the plants due to high salt content, I did not notice any deleterious effect on my plants at that time.

On a trip to Goa, I noticed my cousin using a khamba (which I had heard about vaguely earlier but not spared much of a thought to) and was really impressed.  So I decided to go hammer and tongs into home composting.

I live in an apartment complex on the third floor and have 3 balconies.  My front and side balconies have always had a lot of plants - mostly show plants and flowering (not that they flowered very profusely, but I did get some flowers off and on), some herbs and medicinal plants and tomatoes growing wild from the soil.  In fact this year I got almost a kilo of summer from these 'unplanted' plants.

Here is what my balcony looked like.

The entrance - front balcony

The entrance

More plants at the entrance

 

 Bone setter (also called hadjod) - used in Ayurveda to heal broken bones 

Bishops weed or Ajwain

 Tomatoes in my balcony

 Ripening tomatoes

Jasmine blooming in the side balcony

Hibuscus

Harvested tomatoes (grown from discarded seeds from the kitchen)

On a good day

So this is what my garden was like until I decided I wanted to grow more vegetables.  Anyway, the flowers I got were few and far between - one can't expect more on the 3rd floor of an apartment block.  The joy of getting occasional flowers or fruits, however, made me decide I was going to try my hand at organic vegetables.

......to be continued here